Odd, how life makes twists and turns. I never would have guessed that I’d end up where I am now, but I wouldn’t trade it for the world. I wouldn’t trade this path I’m on...

A brick could be used as a pettable non-furry and non-meowing cat.

A blanket of self-regulated trust on a bed of deceit.

A brick could be covered in black fur, cradled, pet, and called Mr. Fizzlebush. The best part is that since it’ll sit still and silent on the bed, it won’t meow or run away when...

A blanket could be used like a giant piece of paper. Most people just want to cum on it, but occasionally someone will want to splash ink on it and try to impregnate the minds...

A brick could be used to paint a mural of your favorite politician. It doesn’t matter how accurate it is, just so long as people can tell it’s a snake.

A blanket could be used to keep an iceberg warm. People are so selfish and want to stop global warming. Well, if you were a snowman, and were cold all the time, wouldn’t you welcome...

A brick could replace the cardboard bill on a baseball cap. On a windy day, no gust will knock your hat off.

A brick could be used to crush grapes. If that sounds unnecessarily cruel, then I guess you wouldn’t like to pour you a glass of wine. It’s a shame, because I made it myself.

My white duvet is like an avalanche of blanket.

A brick could be used to wash your hands. And after that, I’d suggest you wash out your filthy mouth. Scrub it clean, you scatological talker you.

A brick could be used as a scapegoat. But don’t blame the brick. The brick didn’t kill my mother-in-law. It was merely the instrument I utilized in showing her how much I loved her.

A brick could be pet, like a dog, and taught to shit in my neighbor’s yard.

A blanket would be a great surface to print my new book on, so you could read it in bed while you’re having boring, obligatory sex with your spouse, who’s as dry and exciting as...

One brick is not a wall. Unless you’re an ant, and then it’s not only a wall, it’s a building—a building that has no doors, windows, or people in the form of managers that I’d...

A brick could be tied to a cape, and then exalted as a superhero. Is that any more absurd than Superman?

A brick could be used as a steak knife, and a fly swatter could be used as a meat tenderizer.

Duck!” Not a Feathery Quack Maker, but Get down!

A blanket could be used to reaffirm your faith in God, though I’d suggest using something a little firmer, like a brick.

I like to live in ‘fear’becauSe, you are ready to faceany unexpected thing to become and you have ‘no regret’ for it.

A brick could be used to change the channel on a TV. Or at least turn it off—permanently.

A blanket could be used to what the hell your way out of your neighbor’s bedroom.

A brick could be used to sell war to the peacemongers. The trick is to sell war cheap, because the real profit is in the renewals and extending the service as long as possible.

A blanket could be used to help acclimate your body for your after death experience. Hell is hot, so you’d better warm up first.

A brick could be used to help you to become a karate master, like I am. It’s easy to punch the brick and break it, but can you punch a brick, shatter it, and then...

If a blanket could be used to keep one person warm, then it stands to reason that all the blankets in the world are to blame for global warming, and I think our political leaders,...

A blanket could be used to line the walls of the Love Chamber, to soundproof it so that nobody hears you scream.

A blanket, no matter how thin, could be sliced thinner, and in this way one blanket could be used to keep a multitude of people warm. But not that warm.

A brick could be used to dispel the very same lies that a blanket could be used to cover up.

A brick could be used to raise your status as an upstanding citizen. Don’t get too excited, though. It’ll only raise you up about three inches.

A brick could be thrown, like a football, only instead of a wide receiver, I’d recommend sending out a politician to catch your pass.

If my semen had chunks of crumbled brick in it, would you use yogurt to try to impregnate your fireplace?

You can build with brick, and you can also destroy with a brick.

A blanket could be used as a tarp over one of those tiny circular inflatable pools for children. Well, you might call it a tarp, but I’d call it a trap. But I’ve already tried...

A blanket could be used to keep people warm. But take it from me: you want to freeze those dead bodies as soon as they’re cold and lifeless, because you don’t want the bodies staying...

A brick can be used to represent a ruin, or the beginning of new construction. With a brick, the past is the future.

A brick could be used to unite two long-lost brothers. They’ve been apart for six inches, and that’s entirely too long, and I think it’d be good to bring them back together.

A brick could be used to suppress the price of gold. But not for very long, because once the people realize the unrealized potential in undercutting the central bankers, gold will rise and fiat currency...

A brick could be used in the back part of a director’s last name, to make an epic space odyssey.

Oh no. I’m not gonna let you leave yet. I’m gonna show you the value of takin’ your time to get to work. I probably should have done this a long time ago.

Manny has swung with many men, but many men never seen Manny’s blissful swing.

A brick could be used like a duck could be used like a cat. My duck soup is meowing to be manhandled by a construction worker.

A brick could be used to cool your drink, like a large ice cube.

A blanket could be used to announce your intention to announce your intentions. Make sure the blanket is neon orange though, or you might not get the attention you deserve.

A brick could be translated into Spanish, and then used to landscape a lawn.

A blanket could be used to confuse and disorient. Think of it not as a bed adornment, but as a really big blindfold.

A blanket could be used as a parachute, for jumping out of dreams.

A brick could be used as one ingredient on the greedy Cake of Love. Other ingredients include: Everything.

A brick could be a breath freshener for a dragon. But so could a mint-flavored baby.

To fly is to swim in the air, and a brick could be used as an as example to highlight man’s failure to fishbird.