A brick could be used to tell how hard the wind is blowing. If the wind blows the brick around, I’d get out of there immediately.

fresh” chicken noodle soup through a 20-foot straw that runs from the basement up to the attic, where she found the soup.

A brick could be used to flavor your bathtub water, and raise the fluid level, so you perceive that you have more to drink.

Patience… Is the last hope any individual can have during sabbatical. When the expected doesn’t happen… Patience, expect the unexpected. When you are true to something that you have done; the results will come. Better...

A brick could be used to practice your telepathic levitation. If you can lift the brick, you’ll lift your spirits.

A blanket could be used to cover the engine of a car, much like a hood does, only the blanket would help the car fall asleep when it was spending its idle time idling.

In all areas of your life, look for the multiplier opportunities where you can go a little further, push yourself a little harder, last a little longer, prepare a little better, and deliver a little...

A blanket could be used to warm the hearts of all the nonbelievers. We are all nonbelievers, because nobody believes in everything.

A blanket could be used as a distress symbol. You’ll know I’m in danger and in need of rescue, because I’ll be asleep and completely oblivious to my surroundings.

A brick could be used to determine whether you are really in love or not. But you’re never going to be able to tell for sure if you try to run the experiment with the...

A brick could be used to keep a level head. I don’t mean remaining rational, I mean literally, keep your head still and balanced and don’t let the brick fall off. Actually, keeping the brick...

I have a fist like a brick, but I don’t punch through walls—I build them and become them.

A blanket could be used to make you laugh, and a joke could be used to keep you warm inside.

A brick could be used to make life easier. Start carrying one around with you everywhere you go, and you’ll see what I mean.

A brick could be used as a cuddle partner. Just glue some fur on it and voila! It’s as good as snuggling with any dead animal you find on the side of the highway. (Which...

Bricks could be used as words in the saying of a mason. When words and actions match up, you have a structure people could live in. It’s a lot to live up to, and a...

Brick could be the codename for Rick B. But why the need for secrecy? If I told you I’d have to blanket you.

A blanket really makes the bed. Good thing too, because I never make the bed.

A brick has no legs, so it probably slithers like a snake. Therefore, a brick might make a good pet. And at least you wouldn’t have to walk it.

A blanket could be used to represent the Rectangle of Desire. In nine out of ten cases, it was more effective than Viagra. The tenth case was found to contain a lot of cash, and...

A blanket could be used to help frowners smile. I’m only halfway through the process myself, which is why I’m smirking.

A brick could be used as a blanket, and a blanket could be used as a brick, but not very well and not equally as well. Which is whicher depends on whose colder and who’s...

Literature for me… tries to heal the harm done by stories. (How much harm? Most of the atrocities of history have been created by stories, e.g., the Jews killed Jesus.) I follow Sartre that the...

The most fulfilling adventures happen when you start your journey without knowing where you’re going, because only then are you free to experience the unexpected detours you’re meant to take.

A brick could be used to get a new job. Hire me! I have a brick, and I’m not afraid to use it.

A blanket could be used to teach geography to a sleeping man. Better do it quick, before he wakes up and finds himself in the middle of World War III with no idea where he...

A brick could be used as gift for the man who has everything. Here’s a tip: that man doesn’t have everything, because I just stole his wallet. But I can’t very well give him a...

A brick can and should be used as a telephone, because that way I won’t feel so bummed out that she never calls me.

The Titanic.” Surely a brick with that name would never sink.

Sleep with family is a napkin (nap plus kin), and I used a napkin as a blanket.

A brick could be used as a weight to keep the cardboard cutout of the Federal Government from blowing over. Well, at least unless a hurricane gets here, which would mean the government knocked down...

leadership” in Washington DC—on both sides of the political spectrum.

If you bring the blanket, I’ll bring the warmth.

A brick could be used to save humanity from mortality. Or at least save us from mortar.

A blanket could be used to reveal hidden mysteries. Quick, get naked and get under, and I will illuminate the night.

A blanket could be used to cover Mt. Rushmore. But if you rush more, you’re going to rip the blanket in the same way that the very fabric of our democracy is torn.

A brick could be used to communicate with the dead. I just spoke to Stalin, and he’s very pleased with the way America’s progressing, collectively, as a country.

A brick could be used to build a color theory that red objects encapsulate rage. Don’t believe me? Think of all the red objects that inspire hate: stop lights, Nazi swastikas, and tomato juice.

A brick could be used as a logo for a company called Blanket. A right turn signal in the left turn only lane could be used to represent a company called Brick.

A blanket might make the ideal politician, because they’re warm, comforting, soft, and easily corruptible.

A blanket could be used as a shield, in a fight with a cold shower. I know, because I won that battle this morning, only I wielded a sword—and an erection made of sleep.

A blanket could be used like a cat, if it were furry and purred.

Being positive reckons the unexpected.

In her inestimable audacity, Julia was the catalyst in my life for something beautiful. I hadn’t anticipated her—hadn’t even wanted her, truthfully—but there she was. A little something extra that made all the difference in...

A brick could be used as a trophy at your company’s annual award ceremony. It’s a way to save money while making pride and applause at the same time.

A brick could be used to help define your rigid beliefs. I put my beliefs to bed, along with the hooker I rented for the night.

A brick could be used to stop a tornado, unlike a mobile home, which only acts like a tornado magnet and seems to increase its power.

A brick could be crushed into powder, like cocaine, and snorted to stimulate the previous highs of the housing market.

A blanket could be used to store valuable information that will keep future generations warm overnight. And just so you know, it wasn’t me that farted in the blanket. That’s a bit too much information,...

A brick could be used as a Red Beard Replacement, for those of us who can’t grow facial hair, but desire the respect a beard brings.