Don’t sell yourself short—sell yourself medium, because it’s taller. Did you know my love is refillable? For just .99 cents.

I had a second friend come over to my house, and do you know what I called her? A refill. If relationships aren’t drinkable, why do we thirst for them so much?

I used the boos, and not the booze, as motivation. That led to applause, which I drank up like an alcoholic. I need a refill.

Her love was like cigarette smoke stirred into coffee. I drank it so fast it made me cough, but she’s not offering a refill at any price.

I make love like I make coffee. Tuesdays and Thursdays I offer free refills.