The fans were so psyched that someone was doing a movie about a Boston fan that they were giving their all.

I wanted to be the next Dana Carvey. This was my ultimate goal. If I ever cut into a birthday cake and made a wish, I would wish to be on ‘Saturday Night Live.’ If...

We picked the Red Sox because they lose. If you root for something that loses for 86 years, you’re a pretty good fan. You don’t have to win everything to be a fan of something.

On ‘Late Night,’ it’s like we’re all in on the joke. That’s what I wanted it to be. I’m not doing something sneaky. Inside jokes, I don’t like those. We can all ride together, and...

Researches at Yale found a connection between brain cancer and work environment. The No. 1 most dangerous job for developing brain cancer? Plutonium hat model.

Thank you… ‘Real Housewives of Atlanta,’ for demonstrating a universal truth: Idiots like me will always watch idiots like you fight on TV. You will forever be in my TiVo.

Listening is more important than talking. Just hit your mark and believe what you say. Just listen to people and react to what they are saying.

I read one chapter of a book and put it down. Thank God for Kindle.

L.A., it’s nice, but I think of sunshine and people on rollerblades eating sushi. New York, I think of nighttime, I think of Times Square and Broadway and nightlife and the city that never sleeps.

I don’t even read the papers. I read ‘USA Today’ because it has color photos.

Thank you… preseason football, for having all the excitement, commercials, and time-outs of the regular season, but with none of the mattering. I appreciate it. Thank you.

If you’re a sports fan you realize that when you meet somebody, like a girlfriend, they kind of have to root for your team. They don’t have a choice.

Thank you… Apple, for adding a camera to the iPod Nano. Now it’s just like the iPhone except it can’t make calls. So basically, it’s just like the iPhone.

You only think of the best comeback when you leave.

I sing in the car if I’m in LA, because you’re like soundproofed.

I just feel like people like a little break. Especially at 12:37 at night, you go, like, ‘I’m just tired of the snarky right now. I just want to lie down and have somebody make...

I had a gun and I had to run and shoot, which is not easy.

The running across the field thing, that was the first scene we shot in the movie. We asked the audience to stay for the scene, and 37,000 people stayed.

Don’t keep reaching for the stars because you’ll just look like an idiot stretching that way for no reason.

We had the guys from X Men 2 do the cameras. They had a 360 camera that would go from one car, up in the air and over to another car in a continuous shot...

I grew up in an Irish Catholic family, and I think they force you to watch every James Cagney movie.

I don’t like to kick people when they’re down. I like to kick people when they’re up.

Thank you, hard taco shells, for surviving the long journey from factory, to supermarket, to my plate and then breaking the moment I put something inside you. Thank you.

If people want to see you, they’ll find you. If they don’t see you on TV, they’ll find you on the Internet.

Leno, Conan. They are both really funny. They really know how to land one.

Thank you… fantasy football draft, for letting me know that even in my fantasies, I am bad at sports.

When I was a kid, you would tune in to ‘The Tonight Show’ before you went to sleep. Johnny Carson. A big treat. I know it’s a privilege of mine to be able to be...

I just really don’t like being the center of attention that much. It’s kind of ironic.

I like doing energetic things.