The value of me is equal to 5097033198, but also 3051982. The first is my phone number, and the second is my birthday. I assign values to people. My fifth grade bus driver had a...

I made art out of all the phone numbers on napkins I’ve had over the years. So it was just one napkin, and I wiped my mouth with it after I was done.

The number I had for her didn’t work. But in this depression, could you blame it?

At this point I think we need to embrace the weird. High-five it. Give it our phone number.

Unfortunately, he still hadn’t asked for my number, or a date, or my hand in marriage, and my drink was getting low.