Hey, neighbor, is your wife free for a date today? -No, I’m taking her out this afternoon? -Great! Then you won’t mind if I come over and mow your lawn. Sucker!

You wouldn’t try to mow your lawn with an electric razor, like it was a green beard, so why would you try to deny the existence of nonexistence?

This book is dedicated to all the lawn chairs in all the living rooms of the world. I pray this book provides your owners with the strength, courage, and the wisdom to vacuum their lawns...

I can run 50 yards faster than I can mow them.