The most inefficient and self-harming thing a person can do is go out looking for love. Let it find you when the time is right and you’re out doing what you love to do. Only...

I was once attacked by a Federal park. But due to governmental inefficiencies, I had to report it to highway patrol.

I heard my friend’s car wouldn’t start, so I mailed him a parking lot. I should be a politician.

I just designed the world’s most inefficient no. It’s modeled after a downward sloping maybe.

When I want to feel productive, I box up my stuff—and then unpack everything. With my work ethic, and my unethical nature, I think I’d make a perfect politician.

I waste more time trying to save time than I would if I were merely inefficient. One woman told me I make love like a fish in the desert, and I believed her, because she...

Why spend ten dollars to buy one item that does two things, when for five dollars a piece I can sell you two items that each does one thing?

I eat cereal with a hammer, because I operate with a government-level efficiency. Let’s build a smarter tomorrow—with a spoon.