Tiffany knew what the problem was immediately. She’d seen it before, atbirthday parties. Her brother was suffering from tragic sweetdeprivation. Yes, he was surrounded by sweets. But the moment he took anysweet at all, said...

Click.The salamander flared, etching the room with searing white light and dark shadows. Otto screamed. He fell to the floor, clutching at his throat. He sprang to his feet, goggle-eyed and gasping, and staggered, knock-kneed...

The street was full of animals, milling around uncertainly. When animals are in a state of uncertainty they get nervous, and the street was already, as it were, paved with anxiety.

That’s practically zen.

Two uniformed trolls were standing in front of Sergeant Colon’s high desk, with a slightly smaller troll between them. This troll was wearing a slightly downcast expression. It was also wearing a tutu and had...

We try to make guests feel welcome,” said Dee, scuttling behind his desk. He pulled off his pointed hat and, to Vimes’s amazement, put on a pair of thick smoked glasses.”You had papers?” he said....

Silk stockings. With garters. Well, they were out. There were a lot of things he’d do for Sybil, but if garters figured anywhere in the relationship they weren’t going to be on him.

We’re dealing here,” said Vimes, “With a twisted mind.””Oh, no! You think so?””Yes.””But… no… you can’t be right. Because Nobby was with us all the time.””Not Nobby,” said Vimes testily. “Whatever he might do to...

Lawn looked down at his patient. “In the words of the philosopher Sceptum, the founder of my profession: am I going to get paid for this?

A dwarf who can’t get the hang of metal? That must be pretty unique.””Pretty rare, sir. But I was quite good at alchemy..””Guild member?””Not any more, sir.””Oh? How did you leave the guild?””Through the roof,...

Several times he had to flatten himself against the shelves as a thesaurus thundered by. He waited patiently as a herd of Critters crawled past, grazing on the contents of the choicer books and leaving...

‘Oh, good grief,’ said Vimes. ‘Look, it’s quite simple, man. I was expected to go ‘At last, alcohol!’, and chugalug the lot without thinking. Then some respectable pillars of the community.’

Sacharissa saw a movement. Boddony had pulled his axe out from under the bench. It was a traditional dwarf axe. One side was a pickaxe, for the extraction of interesting minerals, and the other side...

You’re not suggesting that Vetinari tucks into a nice rat every day?” said Angua.”I’ve heard he uses rats as spies, so I don’t think he’d use them as elevenses,” said Carrot.

There are things so horrible that even the dark is afraid of them. Most people don’t know this and this is just as well because the world could not really operate if everyone stayed in...

Mr Vimes,” said Mrs Winkings, “ve cannot help but notice that you still haf not employed any of our members in the Vatch…”Say ‘Watch’, why don’t you? Vimes thought. I know you can. Let the...

People look down on stuff like geography and meteorology, and not only because they’re standing on one and being soaked by the other.

All he had was nothing, but that was something, and now it had been taken away.

Another priest said, ‘Is it true you’ve said you’ll believe in any god whose existence can be proved by logical debate?’ ‘Yes.” Vimes had a feeling about the immediate future and took a few steps...

It would seem that you have no useful skill or talent whatsoever,” he said. “Have you thought of going into teaching?

When he was a boy he’d read books about great military campaigns, and visited the museums and looked with patriotic pride at the paintings of famous cavalry charges, last stands and glorious victories. It had...

‘Look down, your grace,’ said Skimmer. ‘Mhm, mhm.’ Vimes realized he could feel the faintest prick of a knife blade on his stomach. ‘Look down further,’ he said. Inigo looked down. He swallowed. Vimes had...

On the Disc the gods dealt severely with atheists.

You have no power over us, said the Auditor. We are notalive.BUT YOU ARE DEMONSTRATING ARROGANCE, PRIDE AND STUPIDITY. THESE ARE EMOTIONS. I WOULD SAY THEY ARE SIGNS OF LIFE.”Excuse me?” said the shining figure...

Of course, to be fair, that was a parent’s job. The world was so full of sharp bends that if they didn’t put a few twists in you, you wouldn’t stand a chance of fitting...

I’m sure it’s all journalism […] It means it’s true enough for now.

We need to borrow your boat,” said Vimes.”Bugger off!””I’m choosing to believe that was a salty nautical expression meaning ‘Why, certainly,'” said Vimes.

You can’t give her that!’ she screamed. ‘It’s not safe!’IT’S A SWORD, said the Hogfather. THEY’RE NOT MEANT TO BE SAFE.’She’s a child!’ shouted Crumley.IT’S EDUCATIONAL.’What if she cuts herself?’THAT WILL BE AN IMPORTANT LESSON.

The horsemen came closer.Vimes was not good at horsemen. Something in him resented being addressed by anyone eight feet above the ground. He didn’t like the sensation of being looked at by nostrils.

The tincture of night began to diffuse the soup of the afternoon.Lord Vetinari considered the sentence, and found it good. He liked ‘tincture’ particularly. Tincture. Tincture. It was a distinguished word, and pleasantly countered by...