Scientists have invented a new strain of cannabis without the high. They celebrated with non-alcoholic beer and furious dry-humping.

That’s not a religion, that’s Pokemon.

Wikipedia is the first place I go when I’m looking for knowledge… or when I want to create some.

You can’t spell “parentry” without “try.” Of course, you’ll make a few mistakes. The important thing is that the mistakes you make with your kids are the same ones your parents made with you. At...

If this is going to be a Christian nation that doesn’t help the poor, either we have to pretend that Jesus was just as selfish as we are, or we’ve got to acknowledge that He...

Who would have thought that a means of communication limited to 140 characters would ever create misunderstanding.

In God’s eyes all children are beautiful but here on earth we have higher standards.

Divorce is a marital welfare. It’s just couples asking society to bail them out because they didn’t do enough research before they got married. How is that our fault? Don’t drag down my country’s statistics...

Clearly, America has no shortage of metaphorical opportunities for the poor.

All weather is sin-related. Lust causes thunder, anger causes fog, and you don’t want to know what causes dew.

Sir, pay no attention to the people who say the glass is half empty, because 32% means it’s 2/3 empty. There’s still some liquid in that glass is my point, but I wouldn’t drink it....

After obsessively Googling symptoms for four hours, I discovered ‘obsessively Googling symptoms’ is a symptom of hypochondria.

If women are breadwinners and men bring home the bacon, why do people complain about having no dough? I’m confused. Also hungry.

Don’t let your girlfriend cut your hair!

So if animals aren’t our friends, then what are they? The answer can be summed up between two buns.

Look, PETA! If God hadn’t wanted us to eat animals, he wouldn’t have made them so darn tasty!