I remember letting someone in the house who had a gun. And when I was about 10, letting someone else in who was just out of the insane asylum.

Gag me with a spoon!

Not many people know what their parents sound like having sex. It was noisy.

My parents were extremely generous. The people they would get to work for them might not have regular bathing habits, but they’d be good at wearing masking tape on their nipples.

My mother tells this story that when I first went to school, I thought I was going to help the teachers. I didn’t realise I was going to get educated.

I think I have a dark view of the world. I have to make everything funny, otherwise it all seems so sad.

I don’t want to lose my name because that’s how I know myself. There is a legacy here.

The idea of licking stamps seemed great fun for me.

Your own experience keeps taking you towards something. My book adds the hope that it’s a better something.

We had two rules growing up in my house: If you’re going to take a shower, do it with whomever you’re dating so you don’t waste water; and if you buy one for yourself, buy...

How strange, when your father’s wearing women’s clothes and platform shoes, that a pair of loafers looks incredible.

I like to think of myself as a New Yorker, which is pathetic.

I didn’t have any concept of age or authority. I remember realising, Oh, the world has rules and we don’t.

I would think: Stay close to the implants! They must know something because they keep getting asked backstage!

I had a friend whose family had dinner together every day. The mother would tuck you in at night and make breakfast in the morning. It just seemed so amazing to me.

I peaked early. I was told I’d missed my boat.

I’m totally convinced I can write the perfect pop song.

I spent most of my life locked in my bedroom, miserable about my raging acne.

I grew up with too much freedom. You can’t define yourself.

I’ve got a new relationship and I’m trapped in this old life.

If there’s anything more mortifying than being famous at 14, it’s being washed up right after.

I have a tree man coming to trim the jacaranda in my front garden.

It occurred to me, when I was old enough to make rules of my own, that they should be fair and simple.

My Dad was so open creatively that I was off in search of black turtleneck bathing suits with long sleeves.

I made enough money to buy a house. That’s crazy, but fame proved ephemeral.

My mother did literally hitchhike barefoot to the country store.

Every job I’ve ever gotten has been an accident. All the jobs I actually go after, I don’t get.

I should just drive around this city and take photos of all the buildings I’ve been humiliated in.