It wasn’t until I started reading and found books they wouldn’t let us read in school that I discovered you could be insane and happy and have a good life without being like everybody else.

I could never kill myself. I approve of suicide if you have horrible health. Otherwise it’s the ultimate hissy fit.

I’m always amazed at friends who say they try to read at night in bed but always end up falling asleep. I have the opposite problem. If a book is good I can’t go to...

I mean, what is prison, really, except a good bar without the liquor?

You have to remember that it is impossible to commit a crime while reading a book.

I’m perpetual tourist, and that’s the best way to travel. Nobody gets used to you, you make new friends without having to hear anyone’s everyday problems, and you jet back still feeling like a know-it-all.

Collect books, even if you don’t plan on reading them right away. Nothing is more important than an unread library.

Nothing is more impotent than an unread library.

Catholics have more extreme sex lives because they’re taught that pleasure is bad for you. Who thinks it’s normal to kneel down to a naked man who’s nailed to a cross? It’s like a bad...

I’ve had it with being nice, understanding, fair and hopeful. I feel like being negative all day. The chip on my shoulder could sink the QE2. I’ve got an attitude problem and nobody better get...

I always give books. And I always ask for books. I think you should reward people sexually for getting you books. Don’t send a thank-you note, repay them with sexual activity. If the book is...

You should never read just for “enjoyment.” Read to make yourself smarter! Less judgmental. More apt to understand your friends’ insane behavior, or better yet, your own. Pick “hard books.” Ones you have to concentrate...

Do we secretly idolize our imagined opposites, yearning to become the role models for others we know we could never be for ourselves?

My idea of rich is that you can buy every book you ever want without looking at the price and you’re never around assholes. That’s the two things to really fight for in life.

Keep up with what’s causing chaos in your own field.

Collect books, even if you don’t plan on reading them right away. Nothing is more important than an unread library.

Our assholes will be clean but we must never wash our hands. Our immune systems will be strengthened by our being dirty. Not filthy. Just mildly grimy. Filthy fingernails have always been a favorite fashion...

Aren’t maids the ultimate art critics?

Being rich is not about how much money you have or how many homes you own; it’s the freedom to buy any book you want without looking at the price and wondering if you can...

If you go home with somebody, and they don’t have books, don’t fuck ’em!

[W]hat I like best is staying home and reading. Being rich is not about how many homes you own. It’s the freedom to pick up any book you want without looking at the price and...