I would have fought the forest fire, but it was a dragon-breathing forest fire, and I forgot my sword, my pen, and my Geoffrey of Monmouth tunic.

When I find the guy who torched that forest, I’m going to eat him. And I’m only going to half-cook him first.-Sergeant Schlock

But clouds bellied out in the sultry heat, the sky cracked open with a crimson gash, spewed flame-and the ancient forest began to smoke. By morning there was a mass of booming, fiery tongues, a...