I do a show. It comes on late at night on TV. And if that means I’m a late-night talk show host, then I guess I am, but in every other regard I resign my...

I’m careful with money.

Those unexpected morality lessons provided by the trip had jolted me into some kind of action. It was time to jettison the past before the present jettisoned me. This was my first veiled attempt at...

He was in awe of the thirst that people had for someone to tell them that everything was going to be all right. He marveled at the gullibility and vulnerability of his fellow humans. No...

I came to America, and I made good. It’s an old story, but it hasn’t been told in a long time. Usually, it’s, ‘I’m an immigrant, I came here and got persecuted.’ My story is...

Being an American is something I wanted to be for a very long time, probably since I saw the moon landing when I was a child.

For example, in Paris, if one desires to buy something, you enter the store and say “Good morning, sir” or “madam,” depending on what is appropriate, you wait until you are greeted, you make polite...

After all this time I found that the novel is in fact punk rock.

Thanks cows. I appreciate your tastiness.

I just do my thing and try each show to be more honest about why I am and who I am. It’s quite tricky and actually nerve-racking to do that. It’s kind of a happy...

You know, your whole life you’re concerned about money for this and that. And then you don’t have to worry about it, so you worry about other stuff.

Allowances can always be made for your friends to disagree with you. Disagreement, vehement disagreement, is healthy. Debate is impossible without it. Evil does not question itself, only hope questions itself. Even the incorruptible are...

I think in our desire to create a better America,we have to have civilized debate in this country and not just yelling.

It’s like, it’s kind of like if you ever had a car and it was a bit of a clunker but you love it, that’s my show. It’s a bit of a clunker but I...

I’ve got young kids, so it suits me to do a job which keeps me in town right now.

Acid gave me a clinical, unblinking look at madness, and I discovered I wasn’t brave enough to be insane.

By the power of Steven Wright’s Beard!

I got sober. I stopped killing myself with alcohol. I began to think: ‘Wait a minute – if I can stop doing this, what are the possibilities?’ And slowly it dawned on me that it...

All they teach you in drama school is how to do stage fights and be a pain in rehearsals.

Craig: ‘When I used to drink, I binge drank…and I’m kind of like that with Doctor Who. I save up a lot of it on the DVR and then like I get my big scarf...

I’ve got mixed feelings about poetry cause done well poetry is fantastic. But not many people are capable of doing it well. I think you should have some kind of license to perform poetry. A...

Hey dawg, wassup?” he said, in the strange way that white talent agents from Los Angeles do in an attempt to sound like young black men from underprivileged backgrounds. A linguistic fashion as peculiar as...

Don’t ever rope me in as a late-night talk show host. I don’t want to be one.

Why do people do things that they fear? It may be that the fear contains information. Something can be interesting if you get to the other side of that fear.

I don’t think wood was discovered in Britain until the 1970’s. That’s when I discovered it anyway.

School did give me one of the greatest gifts of my life, though. I learned how to read, and for that I remain thankful. I would have died otherwise. As soon as I was able,...

I do love America. And LA is a very short commute to America its like half an hour on the plane.

I am reasonably happy. I didn’t find Jesus or anything like that. Part of it is that I just feel that I could go home. I did not feel like that for a long time,...

Is it really that important? It’s just television, for God’s sake. It’s not medicine or something.

I was ambitious and desperate to direct my first film, so I capitulated and blew it. Never again. Never fucking again.

Alcohol ruined me financially and morally, broke my heart and the hearts of too many others. Even though it did this to me and it almost killed me and I haven’t touched a drop of...

I think comedy comes more from a low sense of self-esteem, and I certainly have that.

I try and live my life in bite-size chunks.

I love zombies. If any monster could Riverdance, it would be zombies.

Twas the night before Thanksgiving. All the food’s in the oven. And I’m in the bedroom performin’ self lovin’.

He will know from and early age that failure is not disgrace. It’s just a pitch that you missed, and you’d better get ready for the next one. The next one might be the shot...

HD doesn’t mean anything to me. It’s a technical thing. It’s like demographics. A lot of people know about it.

Scotland is a much lighter and more fun place than I thought it was. I was miserable when I was there. But it wasn’t Scotland’s fault. It was my circumstances. I was – I hate...

If I start giving people what they like I’ll turn into one of them and I don’t want to be one of them I want to be one of me.

Its hard to stay up. Its been a long long dayAnd you’ve got the sandman at your door. But hang on, leave the TV on and lets do it anyway.Its ok. You can always sleep...

You better watch out. You better not cry. You better not pout, I’m telling you why,Cause Santa Clause might put a cap in your ass.

I think that clearly it has an influence, to be coming of age during the punk rock era, to come from a difficult and sporadically violent background, to have been in and out of such...

The truth is, you win the Lotto. That’s really how you have to approach it. You’re a lottery winner when you get a sitcom and it goes.

I found the prospect daunting, but somehow comforting, too, because the counselors insisted it could be done, and, after all, many of them were recovering alcoholics themselves.

The Universe is very, very big.It also loves a paradox. For example, it has some extremely strict rules.Rule number one: Nothing lasts forever.Not you or your family or your house or your planet or the...

Its easier to feel a little more spiritual with a couple of bucks in your pocket.

It’s very interesting to know what people are doing while you’re working on late-night television.

For me, comedy should have a certain amount of joy in it. It should be about attacking the powerful – the politicians, the Trumps, the blowhards – going after them. We shouldn’t be attacking the...

My job is to find the politicians and the presidents and the pompous people who are telling other people how to live, powerful, visible creatures and … go at them.

You can never talk religion on network TV. It makes too many people angry. You can talk about sex.