You know, your whole life you’re concerned about money for this and that. And then you don’t have to worry about it, so you worry about other stuff.

Allowances can always be made for your friends to disagree with you. Disagreement, vehement disagreement, is healthy. Debate is impossible without it. Evil does not question itself, only hope questions itself. Even the incorruptible are...

I think in our desire to create a better America,we have to have civilized debate in this country and not just yelling.

It’s like, it’s kind of like if you ever had a car and it was a bit of a clunker but you love it, that’s my show. It’s a bit of a clunker but I...

I’ve got young kids, so it suits me to do a job which keeps me in town right now.

Acid gave me a clinical, unblinking look at madness, and I discovered I wasn’t brave enough to be insane.

By the power of Steven Wright’s Beard!

I got sober. I stopped killing myself with alcohol. I began to think: ‘Wait a minute – if I can stop doing this, what are the possibilities?’ And slowly it dawned on me that it...

All they teach you in drama school is how to do stage fights and be a pain in rehearsals.

Craig: ‘When I used to drink, I binge drank…and I’m kind of like that with Doctor Who. I save up a lot of it on the DVR and then like I get my big scarf...

I’ve got mixed feelings about poetry cause done well poetry is fantastic. But not many people are capable of doing it well. I think you should have some kind of license to perform poetry. A...

Hey dawg, wassup?” he said, in the strange way that white talent agents from Los Angeles do in an attempt to sound like young black men from underprivileged backgrounds. A linguistic fashion as peculiar as...

Don’t ever rope me in as a late-night talk show host. I don’t want to be one.

Why do people do things that they fear? It may be that the fear contains information. Something can be interesting if you get to the other side of that fear.

I don’t think wood was discovered in Britain until the 1970’s. That’s when I discovered it anyway.

School did give me one of the greatest gifts of my life, though. I learned how to read, and for that I remain thankful. I would have died otherwise. As soon as I was able,...

I do love America. And LA is a very short commute to America its like half an hour on the plane.

I am reasonably happy. I didn’t find Jesus or anything like that. Part of it is that I just feel that I could go home. I did not feel like that for a long time,...

Is it really that important? It’s just television, for God’s sake. It’s not medicine or something.

I was ambitious and desperate to direct my first film, so I capitulated and blew it. Never again. Never fucking again.

Alcohol ruined me financially and morally, broke my heart and the hearts of too many others. Even though it did this to me and it almost killed me and I haven’t touched a drop of...

I think comedy comes more from a low sense of self-esteem, and I certainly have that.

I try and live my life in bite-size chunks.

I love zombies. If any monster could Riverdance, it would be zombies.

Twas the night before Thanksgiving. All the food’s in the oven. And I’m in the bedroom performin’ self lovin’.

He will know from and early age that failure is not disgrace. It’s just a pitch that you missed, and you’d better get ready for the next one. The next one might be the shot...

HD doesn’t mean anything to me. It’s a technical thing. It’s like demographics. A lot of people know about it.

Scotland is a much lighter and more fun place than I thought it was. I was miserable when I was there. But it wasn’t Scotland’s fault. It was my circumstances. I was – I hate...

If I start giving people what they like I’ll turn into one of them and I don’t want to be one of them I want to be one of me.

Its hard to stay up. Its been a long long dayAnd you’ve got the sandman at your door. But hang on, leave the TV on and lets do it anyway.Its ok. You can always sleep...

You better watch out. You better not cry. You better not pout, I’m telling you why,Cause Santa Clause might put a cap in your ass.

I think that clearly it has an influence, to be coming of age during the punk rock era, to come from a difficult and sporadically violent background, to have been in and out of such...

The truth is, you win the Lotto. That’s really how you have to approach it. You’re a lottery winner when you get a sitcom and it goes.

I found the prospect daunting, but somehow comforting, too, because the counselors insisted it could be done, and, after all, many of them were recovering alcoholics themselves.

The Universe is very, very big.It also loves a paradox. For example, it has some extremely strict rules.Rule number one: Nothing lasts forever.Not you or your family or your house or your planet or the...

Its easier to feel a little more spiritual with a couple of bucks in your pocket.

It’s very interesting to know what people are doing while you’re working on late-night television.

For me, comedy should have a certain amount of joy in it. It should be about attacking the powerful – the politicians, the Trumps, the blowhards – going after them. We shouldn’t be attacking the...

My job is to find the politicians and the presidents and the pompous people who are telling other people how to live, powerful, visible creatures and … go at them.

You can never talk religion on network TV. It makes too many people angry. You can talk about sex.

At CBS, I’m in your house. I’m mindful of that. When I do standup, you’re in my home and I can say what I want to.

I have to do a show which is of interest to me, or else I’m lost.

There’s just a feeling you get from certain things you do in life that just kind of feel pure and independent of what’s actually, physically, going on.

I know the fashion is that everything is fair game [for comedy material] but I don’t believe that.

On that same tour we ran into a band at Aylesbury Friars, a biggish venue in Oxfordshire, England. They were a four-piece from Ireland called U2. They seemed like nice fellows and they sounded pretty...

I’m gonna enjoy being old I think I’ll be awesome at it.

I used to psych myself up before the show and now I do the complete opposite: I psych myself down. It’s 12:30 at night, you don’t want some guy yelling at you. You want some...

I’m crazy. I know I’m crazy ’cause Desmond Tutu told me, and he’s very clever. He said, ‘You must free yourself, be more of who you are. Be more crazy.’ And I’m going to.

Time is only linear for engineers and referees.

I think when you become a parent you go from being a star in the movie of your own life to the supporting player in the movie of someone else’s.