A brick could be used to build a color theory that red objects encapsulate rage. Don’t believe me? Think of all the red objects that inspire hate: stop lights, Nazi swastikas, and tomato juice.

I’ll take a brick in a blanket, hold the ice.” What the bartender started, the Finnish guy finished, and the brick and the blanket thought they’d better to drink elsewhere. * A brick in a...

A brick could be used to keep thieves away from your house. Just set a brick outside your front door, and you won’t need any additional security. Years will go by and nobody will steal...

A brick could be used to make love better. Faster isn’t always better. Don’t you want to make love better?

A blanket could be used as a makeshift trampoline, to attract midgets to your picnic. The great thing about dining with dwarves, is since they are little people, they eat very little.

A brick could be used like sandpaper, to smooth out a cat’s rough tongue.

I am more than what they say I am.

Lirralei was a girl of storm–winds and thorns, the musk of the wild rose and the flight of the falcon.

A brick could be used to practice your telepathic levitation. If you can lift the brick, you’ll lift your spirits.

A blanket could be used to cover the engine of a car, much like a hood does, only the blanket would help the car fall asleep when it was spending its idle time idling.

Bricks could be used to generate smiles among the general population. Just hand them out, along with handshakes, and say, This will make everything OK. And guess what? They’ll believe you.

A blanket could be used to warm the hearts of all the nonbelievers. We are all nonbelievers, because nobody believes in everything.

A blanket could be used as a distress symbol. You’ll know I’m in danger and in need of rescue, because I’ll be asleep and completely oblivious to my surroundings.

A brick could be used to determine whether you are really in love or not. But you’re never going to be able to tell for sure if you try to run the experiment with the...

A brick could be used to keep a level head. I don’t mean remaining rational, I mean literally, keep your head still and balanced and don’t let the brick fall off. Actually, keeping the brick...

I need a bone saw—for the meatloaf I made for you, which looks suspiciously like a brick. The gravy is a blanket.

leadership” in Washington DC—on both sides of the political spectrum.

I’m the kind of guy who turns my fan on in winter, only to then go and add another blanket on top of my bed. I practice inefficiency even while I sleep, so I’ll be...

A brick could be licked, like a cat’s asshole. But obviously inversed, because your tongue is soft and the brick is rough.

A brick could be used as a stand in for a liar’s face. Go on, punch that liar in his face.

A brick could be used as toilet paper—especially if you just shit a brick. You could shit and wipe your way to a wall of privacy.

A brick could be used as a response when the cops ask you if you murdered your mother-in-law. Forget yes or no. Well, forget yes altogether, but use brick for every response except one: What...

Politics.

A brick could be used as a brick. Clever, right?

Make good choices in order to manifest your true identity; manifest your true being. What others see in you now is just a mild photo of you. The wild copy is yet to come. Print...

A brick could be used as a steak knife, and a fly swatter could be used as a meat tenderizer.

A blanket could be used to deliver the darkness on a platter of light. But I’d eat my unborn children straight out of your uterus with a straw before I’d ever be a delivery guy...

A brick could be used to bring about a pantsless revolution. A zipper is just a gate holding you back, man.

It was great to see the owls,” I said.She smiled.”Yes. They’re wild things, of course. Killers, savages. They’re wonderful.

The wild women in his lap,’ my father enthused, ‘laying their breasts on his head.’There was a moment of stunned silence. Then my mother spoke slowly, with an edge to her voice. ‘I think you...

Her beauty must have been exhausting and not to mention troublesome. Glitter swiftly made it’s way into the vibrant strands that graced her lavish eyelashes. Each blink, each pressing moment, time seemed to have stopped...

A brick could be used to get a new job. Hire me! I have a brick, and I’m not afraid to use it.

A blanket could be used to teach geography to a sleeping man. Better do it quick, before he wakes up and finds himself in the middle of World War III with no idea where he...

A brick could be used as gift for the man who has everything. Here’s a tip: that man doesn’t have everything, because I just stole his wallet. But I can’t very well give him a...

A brick can and should be used as a telephone, because that way I won’t feel so bummed out that she never calls me.

The Titanic.” Surely a brick with that name would never sink.

Sleep with family is a napkin (nap plus kin), and I used a napkin as a blanket.

A blanket, when taken to the top of a mountain and laid flat, could be painted orange and used as a landing pad for when the aliens come to earth to save humanity. The only...

A blanket could be used to create another way. There is no other way but to make another way. We simply must!

A blanket provides warmth. So does the joy a good joke brings.

I am so sorry I do not have enough money to support your expensive obsessions and fancy lifestyle choice. I just love you and I wish I could love you the way you want me...

A brick could be used as a flashlight. What, still dark? Check the batteries, because they may be dead.

A brick could be used in place of a diamond on a wedding ring. Your wife’s probably going to divorce you and take the house anyway, so you might as well give her the first...

Discover more about yourself, dream wild dreams because what others see in you right is just a mild chapter of you; the wild chapter will unfold sooner! Dare to dream and shape the dream every...

A brick could be used to test my new levitation machine. Still, I’d rather test the machine out by seeing if it can lift my heavy, elephantine penis off the floor. But before I turn...

The sheer force of the music calls for a wild audience reaction.

A brick can be used to represent a ruin, or the beginning of new construction. With a brick, the past is the future.

Every falling leaf reminds me that I too will soon be separated from these trees. Trying to capture freedom is like trying to catch a falling leaf. Occasionally you may grab one out of the...

A blanket could be used to trap and contain love. I’ve tried other stuff, like a Ziploc bag, a can of tuna, and even a dead cat’s stomach, but nothing seems to be able to...

A brick could be used to grow your annual income by a factor of four. What, you don’t believe me? Are you calling me a liar?