My love is like the collision between a falling statue and still bird poop.

Many religions have attempted to make statues of their gods very large, and the idea, I suppose, is to make us feel small. But if that’s their purpose, they can keep their paltry icons. We...

Statues look like people, but people shouldn’t act like statues—you know, be set in their ways like stone. I make love like a sculptor paints, minus the wine, plus the grape juice. Suck me like...

In the case of Michel Angelo we have an artist who with brush and chisel portrayed literally thousands of human forms; but with this peculiarity, that while scores and scores of his male figures are...

Love sounds like a trumpet mimicking a trombone. That’s one of my hobbies, when I’m not impersonating statues of mimes.

Obedience is the virtue that determines whether a person is either a servant or a rebel. Life of integrity is built on obedience of God’s statutes and nothing else.

I’m sexually attracted to statues made out of decomposing food. Is it normal to be hungry during intercourse?

I love firm hugs. Statues are so affectionate. Well, at least compared to my ex wife.

We are not on this earth to just stand still & look pretty. The museums already have enough statues.

The best time to complain is right after you’ve come up with a solution to the problem. Pose the questions, present the answers, and then pose nude while the people make statues out of you...

It’s my estimation that every man ever got a statue made of him was one kind of sumbitch or another. — Malcolm Reynolds

My friends mess around with my friends—and my friends’ bikes. Sex with bicycles—that kind of love is just too fast for me. I’ll stick to sticking it in statues.

I have seen statues that would look stodgy beside her, I have seen painted Madonnas whose features would be coarse beside her pale luminous loveliness.

Good art is like a sexy pair of lips—it has the potential to say so much, but prefers to have you do all the talking about it. Also, good art is fun to kiss and...

I saw two statues talking to each other. I didn’t hear what they were saying, perhaps because they were whispering.

My cat stood still like a furry statue. I wanted to go pet it, but I ended up petting a painting instead. Ah, but that’s life, no?

I had a dream about you. You were trying to perfect the art of sexual intercourse, and I offered you the use of one of my statues to practice on. Artists have to stick together,...