I went on a blind date last night. We watched a silent film. We stayed up all night talking in sign language. I fell asleep in the fetal position in her cat’s litter box. Ah,...

Don’t talk sign language and masturbate at the same time. Not unless you’re translating a Presidential State of the Union address.

Stop talking to me!” An I love you disguised as “Stairway to Heaven” isn’t more romantic. Not unless you’re Helen Keller and I’m a slinky.

I’m learning sign language to be a better communicator and masturbator.