I want my writing to be as smooth as drinking a glass of water—pool water, with piss in it.

I need a water/glory mix of 2:1. That’d make me piss like a champion.

You can’t chain your heart forever, one day or another you are going to open it for someone and (s)he is going to piss inside it.

Apple juice looks so much like urine that the only way to tell them apart is to remember that I keep my pee in the fridge, and the apple juice in the toilet. Help yourself...

To me, beer tastes like piss. Maybe that’s why I only enjoy it in the shower with my uncle.