A brick could be used to wipe your ass with. You know, if you already live someplace shitty.

A brick could be used as a doorstop. But that’s obvious. What isn’t obvious is why somebody would want to stop a door, since doors represent openness. What is that person hiding behind that door...

A brick could be used to help you maintain a balanced diet, by keeping your head perfectly still with the brick steady on your skull while you eat.

A blanket could represent change, and a brick represents consistency. Do you embrace the blanket, or the brick?

A brick could be used to separate the Jorges from the hoorays.

A blanket could be used as a spy, because if you need to blend in and go under cover, what’s better than a banket?

I don’t need a blanket. I need your naked body on top of me.

A brick could be used like love. But not my love, because my love is more like a blanket.

A blanket could be used to show love, by providing warmth, comfort, and an itchiness of desire that cannot be satisfied by a single scratch.

I’m the kind of guy who turns my fan on in winter, only to then go and add another blanket on top of my bed. I practice inefficiency even while I sleep, so I’ll be...

A brick could be licked, like a cat’s asshole. But obviously inversed, because your tongue is soft and the brick is rough.

A blanket could be used to communicate with dolphins. Be quiet! I’m trying to talk to the swimming mammals.

I shit bricks, because I’m a constructive pooper.

A brick could used to translate and transform long cuneiform texts into shorter tweets. Sure, just take the brick and smash the clay tablets, and each broken fragment should be roughly 140 characters.

A brick is a lot like love. I mean, I’m sure it is. It simply must be. However, I can’t think of how at the moment, but that’s natural, because I’m not Cupid. OK, here’s...

A brick could be used as a comb, if you’re bald and have no hair.

A brick is a banana. No it isn’t. Still, I think you should eat it anyway.

A brick on a stick could be licked like a lollipop.

This is my building—and my office has the best possible view.”

void”. Are a bit whorish in that the instant you walk away from them in less than a minute they’ll be all over someone else, and the moment you actually need them they’re nowhere to...

A brick can be used to represent the zero probability of this book being any good.

A brick could be used to tell the time. If you can see it it’s daytime, and if you can’t see it it’s nighttime.

A brick could be employed to stop global warming, by using it to clog up the world’s smallest volcano. I would use my penis to plug up the hole, but it already burns while I...

A blanket could be wrapped around people who’ve recently been electrocuted, because I’ll bet it’s really warm under those covers. I’ve always wanted to roast marshmallows in my sleep.

A brick and a blanket aptly describe my former roommate. He was as dumb as a brick, and only highly functional on a bed. Or so I heard—not that I’d know from personal experience.

A blanket could be used to create another way. There is no other way but to make another way. We simply must!

A blanket provides warmth. So does the joy a good joke brings.

I’ll weave the waves into a sea blanket of goodbye.

A brick could be used to balance work and play. Just place the brick on the top of your head, and don’t let it drop. This will ensure you don’t play too hard—or work too...

The wall of silence that exists between us is as long as the Great Wall of China. And though it’s the same length, our wall is about two bricks quieter.

Bricks could be used to line the pockets of the politicians, the way the people’s money once was, as we drop them off to search for Atlantis.

A brick could be used as a mule. Sure, you could argue it’d be better used as a donkey, but I’d counter that with some jackass comment.

new home” smell.

A brick could be used for pressing grapes into wine, and a magician could then cover up that wine with a blanket and turn wine into water.

A brick could be used to remind me of her. I mean everything else reminds me of her, so why not a brick too?

A brick could replace your window, if your window’s opaque, and you throw the brick hard enough.

A blanket is a tell-all story about its endeavors with certain highly publicized people and their somewhat promiscuous acts.

A brick could be used to suppress certain groups of people, particularly those individuals who are too weak to stand up and say Hey, somebody get this brick off of me—it’s crushing me!

A brick could be used to manipulate people into doing what you want. If anything could offer one man an unfair advantage over another, it’s a brick—especially if that brick is made of gold.

Why did the brick and blanket cross the road? Because some maniac had just run over the chicken. That maniac was me, and that chicken was delicious.

Bricks could be used to replace stop signs. Some people won’t stop at stop signs, but everybody will stop for a brick wall.

I have a fist like a brick, but I don’t punch through walls—I build them and become them.

A blanket could be used to make you laugh, and a joke could be used to keep you warm inside.

A brick could be used to make life easier. Start carrying one around with you everywhere you go, and you’ll see what I mean.

A brick could be used as a cuddle partner. Just glue some fur on it and voila! It’s as good as snuggling with any dead animal you find on the side of the highway. (Which...

Bricks could be used as words in the saying of a mason. When words and actions match up, you have a structure people could live in. It’s a lot to live up to, and a...

Brick could be the codename for Rick B. But why the need for secrecy? If I told you I’d have to blanket you.

A brick is a baton, as it passes from a civilization in ruin to one on the rise.

A brick and a blanket could be combined to create a blink. And a half a blink, as we all know, is a wink. A wink and a smile might be enough to get you...

A blanket could be used as a stool softener. Or it could also be used to soften a chair.