A brick could be used for pressing grapes into wine, and a magician could then cover up that wine with a blanket and turn wine into water.

A brick could be used to remind me of her. I mean everything else reminds me of her, so why not a brick too?

A brick could replace your window, if your window’s opaque, and you throw the brick hard enough.

A brick is……… Well it’s a bloody brick what more do you want from me?

A brick could be used as gift for the man who has everything. Here’s a tip: that man doesn’t have everything, because I just stole his wallet. But I can’t very well give him a...

A blanket could be used as wrapping paper, to give the gift of a cat.

A blanket could be used to keep you warm on a cold night. Just pour some gasoline on it and light it on fire.

A blanket is a shield, blocking out the breeze, and an insulator, keeping in body heat.

A brick could be used to direct traffic. Use a brick from the scene of the accident, where some driver ran into a brick wall.

Will you sleep with me?” I expect you to run to the bedroom, get naked, and get under the blanket. Whatever you do, do not reach for the brick.

A brick could be used as a Sexual Orientation Device. But I don’t need it, because I know my sexual orientation—north!

A brick could be used as brain filler for the political mind, just in case one of our elected officials needs a brain transplant to try to boost their intellectual capabilities.

A blanket could be used like a Love Fleece. I imagine you’re shaking your head. Do you disagree? Fine, then when you’re shivering, I won’t ask if it’s because you’re cold—or because you’re lonely.

A brick could be broken—shattered—and then given as a gift, a jigsaw puzzle.

Bricks could be used to build stronger relationships. But so could bribes.

A brick could be used as a car salesman. (A used car salesman.)

A brick could be used to wipe your ass with. You know, if you already live someplace shitty.

A brick could be placed in an empty circular room, so that when you tell a dunce to go stand in the corner, he won’t feel so stupid and will know where to go.

A brick could be used to soften resistance. Smash the opposition into a pulp!

You could carve out the inside of a brick and hide your money in it for safe keeping. It’s certainly safer than keeping it in the bank!

A brick could be crushed, mixed with water, and drunk like a sports drink. And hey, with no bromated vegetable oil, it’s healthier than Gatorade.

Stop” as you hold out a stiff arm and just stand there. It might feel like you’re waiting your whole life for that train to stop, and quite possibly you will wait your whole life...

A flag could be used as a blanket, but a blanket couldn’t be used as a flag. A blanket provides real warmth, not the pseudo warmth that patriotism provides. A blanket-flag would leave you shivering—not...

A blanket could be used to study the stars more thoroughly. I don’t know how exactly, because I’m not Stephen Hawking. Somebody get me a wheelchair.

A brick could be your new best friend. If this appeals to you, it’s probably because people tend to seek the company of others who posses similar intellects and interests. And as I have just...

A brick could be used as a PRA, or Person Replacement Apparatus. Just give the brick a name, start talking to it, and before you know it you’ve got a friend for life. Say, do...

A brick could be used to instill patience in a pupil. Not a pupil as in part of an iris, but a pupil as in student. Seems a bit silly to try to teach eyes...

A brick could be used to squiggle your signature with. And while you’re in the autographing mood, why don’t you sign your name at the bottom of the lunch bill.

My name is Mr. Brickton, and this brick, it weighs a ton.

A brick could be used like ice cream. But hold up, hold up. Let me put a bowl under it before you start licking, or else you’ll drip brick all over my blanket.

A blanket could be used in surgery. But personally, I’d rather use a surgeon.

A brick could be used as a comb, if you’re bald and have no hair.

A brick is a banana. No it isn’t. Still, I think you should eat it anyway.

A brick has no legs, so it probably slithers like a snake. Therefore, a brick might make a good pet. And at least you wouldn’t have to walk it.

A brick and a blanket need a logo, and I’m just the designer to hire to sit around idly as I ideally charge you by the hour.

If you’re a struggling artist having money problems just superglue a brick in the middle of a blanket, and call it art. Someone will buy it.

A brick could be used to deny you your dreams. And a blanket could be used as a gateway to all your dreams.

A blanket could be used like a trumpet could be used as a murder weapon. And if the cops ask you what I was doing on the night of June 6th, tell them I was...

A blanket could be used as a distraction. Wave it to the right, while you loot to the left.

A brick could replace the cardboard bill on a baseball cap. On a windy day, no gust will knock your hat off.

A brick could be used to crush grapes. If that sounds unnecessarily cruel, then I guess you wouldn’t like to pour you a glass of wine. It’s a shame, because I made it myself.

My white duvet is like an avalanche of blanket.

A brick could be used to wash your hands. And after that, I’d suggest you wash out your filthy mouth. Scrub it clean, you scatological talker you.

A brick could be used as a scapegoat. But don’t blame the brick. The brick didn’t kill my mother-in-law. It was merely the instrument I utilized in showing her how much I loved her.

A brick could be pet, like a dog, and taught to shit in my neighbor’s yard.

A brick could be used to motivate. Just hold it up as an example of something that’s going nowhere in life.

A brick could be used as a mule. Sure, you could argue it’d be better used as a donkey, but I’d counter that with some jackass comment.

new home” smell.

A brick could be wrapped in plastic and sold individually to toddlers as toys. (Warning: Bricks can be harmful if swallowed. If ingested, please contact a physician first, and then the manager of a circus.)

A brick could be used as a logo for a company called Blanket. A right turn signal in the left turn only lane could be used to represent a company called Brick.