A brick is a baton, as it passes from a civilization in ruin to one on the rise.

A brick could be strapped to the back of a pet gerbil, to teach it how to swim. That’s how I learned to swim. Grandpa glued a gerbil to my back, dropped me off in...

A brick could be used as a door handle. On an all-brick house this would be great, but on an all-brick car it’d be even better.

A brick is a mythical object that empowers its handler and enables them to conquer the world and control the globe through secret occult knowledge. Just ask the Masons.

Two bricks, parallel and horizontal, equals an equal sign.

A blanket could be used as a lovely rug, a rug that just so happens to be covering a large hole, you should really feel this rug!

A brick could be used to separate the Jorges from the hoorays.

A blanket could be used as a spy, because if you need to blend in and go under cover, what’s better than a banket?

I don’t need a blanket. I need your naked body on top of me.

A brick could be used like love. But not my love, because my love is more like a blanket.

A blanket could be used to show love, by providing warmth, comfort, and an itchiness of desire that cannot be satisfied by a single scratch.

I’m the kind of guy who turns my fan on in winter, only to then go and add another blanket on top of my bed. I practice inefficiency even while I sleep, so I’ll be...

A brick could be licked, like a cat’s asshole. But obviously inversed, because your tongue is soft and the brick is rough.

A blanket could be used to communicate with dolphins. Be quiet! I’m trying to talk to the swimming mammals.

I shit bricks, because I’m a constructive pooper.

A brick could used to translate and transform long cuneiform texts into shorter tweets. Sure, just take the brick and smash the clay tablets, and each broken fragment should be roughly 140 characters.

Lay on me, and let my heat escape up to you, while you’ll act as my insulation and blanket.

A brick could be used as a flotation device, if you’re Michael Phelps and don’t need it.

Used is to sued, as brick is to Kricb, and that is such a profound observation on my part that I’m afraid I don’t fully grasp it at the moment.

Through the miracle of science, or divine intervention, a brick could be made soft, like Jell-O, and a blanket could be made rigid, like the laws regarding the speed limit, as interpreted by the cop...

A brick could be used to decorate a house. And not just one brick, thousands could be stacked and affixed together and really make your house not only feel like a home, but less drafty...

Instead of putting flowers in books to flatten them you can use a brick.

A brick and a blanket together create a blick. That’s it. That’s all I got.

A brick could be used to tell the time. If you can see it it’s daytime, and if you can’t see it it’s nighttime.

A brick could be employed to stop global warming, by using it to clog up the world’s smallest volcano. I would use my penis to plug up the hole, but it already burns while I...

A blanket could be wrapped around people who’ve recently been electrocuted, because I’ll bet it’s really warm under those covers. I’ve always wanted to roast marshmallows in my sleep.

A brick and a blanket aptly describe my former roommate. He was as dumb as a brick, and only highly functional on a bed. Or so I heard—not that I’d know from personal experience.

A blanket could be used to create another way. There is no other way but to make another way. We simply must!

A blanket provides warmth. So does the joy a good joke brings.

I’ll weave the waves into a sea blanket of goodbye.

A brick could be used to balance work and play. Just place the brick on the top of your head, and don’t let it drop. This will ensure you don’t play too hard—or work too...

The wall of silence that exists between us is as long as the Great Wall of China. And though it’s the same length, our wall is about two bricks quieter.

A brick is a mode of transportation, for a bug going nowhere in life.

A brick could be used in a smash and grab. Well, at least in the smashing aspect. A blanket would be more suited to the grab role.

A blanket could be used as an example for how you should make important decisions. Don’t give me a yes or a no now. Sleep on it and get back to me in the morning.

One brick could be used to do the work of two men, if both men are dead. In this case, a blanket could be used to cover up their decomposing corpses.

Bricks could be used like trophies. And if we give them to everyone, just for participating, then collectively we could build a big House of Emptiness.

A brick could be used to commit genocide on a small patch of grass, if you lay the brick down on the lawn and leave it there long enough. But I do not condone this...

A brick could be used to suppress certain groups of people, particularly those individuals who are too weak to stand up and say Hey, somebody get this brick off of me—it’s crushing me!

A brick could be used to manipulate people into doing what you want. If anything could offer one man an unfair advantage over another, it’s a brick—especially if that brick is made of gold.

Why did the brick and blanket cross the road? Because some maniac had just run over the chicken. That maniac was me, and that chicken was delicious.

Bricks could be used to replace stop signs. Some people won’t stop at stop signs, but everybody will stop for a brick wall.

I have a fist like a brick, but I don’t punch through walls—I build them and become them.

A blanket could be used to make you laugh, and a joke could be used to keep you warm inside.

A brick could be used to make life easier. Start carrying one around with you everywhere you go, and you’ll see what I mean.

A brick could be used as a cuddle partner. Just glue some fur on it and voila! It’s as good as snuggling with any dead animal you find on the side of the highway. (Which...

Bricks could be used as words in the saying of a mason. When words and actions match up, you have a structure people could live in. It’s a lot to live up to, and a...

Brick could be the codename for Rick B. But why the need for secrecy? If I told you I’d have to blanket you.

A brick could be used as man’s best friend, if you covered it in fur and taught it to bark and shit in your neighbor’s yard.

A brick is a polarizing object. Especially if you find it at either the North or the South Pole.