She hugged me and I could feel the heat rise in my face, either from shame or love, like there was a difference.

I’ve tried to get the angel to watch MTV so I can learn the vocabulary of your music, but even with the gift of tongues, I’m having trouble learning to speak hip-hop. Why is it...

Which isn’t, like, as bad as it sounds, because the general public kind of sucks ass.

It’s wildly irritating to have invented something as revolutionary as sarcasm, only to have it abused by amateurs.

[…] Y’know, the Duchess Regan is living here at the tower now? I took your advice about not talking about her boffnacity [footnote], even with the duke dead and all, can’t be too careful. Although,...

And I was all, “Don’t be gross, you crustacious fuck. You pull that thing out and I’ll pepper-spray you until you fry.” (You have to be stern with weenie waggers–I’ve been exposed to on the...

There’s a fine edge to new grief, it severs nerves, disconnects reality–there’s mercy in a sharp blade. Only with time, as the edge wears, does the real ache begin.

She was an alien, really – a sort of eating, pooping, tantrum machine – and he didn’t understand anything about her species.

If you think anyone is sane you just don’t know enough about them.

I like a girl with a substantial bottom,’ said Renoir, drawing in the air the size bottom he preferred.

…turning your ankle hurts like hell, even if you’re a superhero.

Lucien, women are wondrous, mysterious, and magical creatures, who should be treated not only with respect but with reverence, perhaps even awe. Now go sweep the steps.