Don’t bother to ring a bell in the ear that doesn’t listen. Move to another ear, and if he doesn’t listen to your bell, sit back and listen to his nemesis.

I played the trumpet a bit like a porker, I think.

It’s awkward to wake up one day to see the trumpet working hard to lead in the shoes of the microphone. You can only lead where you can function better!

I blew the love trumpet until my cheeks were blue. Then I paid 34 bucks for a taxicab ride home so I could admire my receding hairline in the mirror.

A Letter to Andre Breton, Originally Composed on a Leaf of Lettuce With an Ink-dippedCarrotOn my bed, my green comforterdraped over my knees like a lumpy turtle,I think about the Berlin Wall of years that...

Love sounds like a trumpet mimicking a trombone. That’s one of my hobbies, when I’m not impersonating statues of mimes.

I can play the trumpet, but only if I have a sufficient quantity of anal lube.

I ran a few miles, Davis, and they were musical. Then I made love like the sound of a trumpet, as heard by Helen Keller.

You can’t compare the taste of organic and non organic fruits and vegetables. Organic tastes like a ten-minute trumpet solo in your mouth, and non organic tastes like a thirty second tape recording that’s been...

The trumpet was not a lyrical singing instrument.

As long as I have teeth, I’ll keep playing. You can’t play trumpet without teeth.