I’m twenty-nine, happily single and getting it on a regular basis’ I said, enjoying the way their thin lips hung open in an impressive O.’Well I’ve never,’ Jane gasped.’Clearly. You should try it some time....

…I supplied in a tone so saccharine that it should have tipped him off that his testicular health was in serious peril.

Do you mind if we leave here so I can chain smoke ’til I throw up so it will be easier to quit?

This look said I was uncomfortably near some line. Nikos had a lot of lines, all hidden. If you shot a marble in on one side of his personality, instead of coming out the other...

Ophelia was beating some poor underling for not knowing her arse from the sparse collection of cells between her ears.

She wasn’t the type. Her idea of exercise was lifting a fork.

Maybe younger than the thirty he looked, still caught in style over substance.

A boot up the ass could be considered a ‘nudge’ right?

Leave before I have to rip your eyes out with my dull Lady Bic razor.

While I had no intention of hooking up with him, I still wanted him to want to hook up with me.It was the principle of the thing, after all.

He delivered the mail, ran our modest recycling program, and maintained our handful of public buildings. He also occasionally fell asleep while driving a snowplough, but he was such a cheerful guy it was hard...

Annabelle was practically standing on my back. It was like wearing an Annabelle backpack.

I’ve also been known to cry during MasterCard commercials.

I sighed. ‘Ah spite, the stuff of fairy tales.

I could run, too, but my feet hurt. It’s tough being a fashion vixen.

Cooper! Help!’The coward turned and walked into the kitchen as if he hadn’t seen me getting frogmarched by the estrogen squad.

Wait until you meet my family. At Thanksgiving, we kill everything we can find, put it into a pot, and call it ‘holiday gumbo’.

The rest of the morning would consist of checking on a pothole in the parking lot of the village clinic and writing up a schedule for the community centre that might finally settle the ongoing...

Hubert’s wife, Mindy, was a tiny powerhouse of a woman with a halo of wild blond hair and eye makeup so complex it took me a while to locate her pupils. She was clearly the...

Some people say Earth is the bottom level of Purgatory.’ She pointed toward the floor and frowned.’I call it the top floor of Hell.

He was always ‘checking in’ to see if I needed any help with my campaign, which on the surface seemed nice enough, but it was done in a condescending tone that made me want to...

You wish for what’s called wooing. This customary game, where the man shows the woman that resistance is impractical, strikes me as quite pointless.

I held it together for the rest of the drive home but as soon as Kelsey dropped me off I flopped face down on the couch and sobbed like a reality TV star on confessional...

Just in front of her lay the Congaree Swamp National Forest. To prove it, a mosquito the size of a kitten landed on her arm and prepared to drill.

If one is going to spend her afternoon singing hymns to the great porcelain goddess, she might as well do it in a really plush ladies room. Stupid fear of public speaking.