Because of you, I’m running out of reasons to cry.

You know, if you don’t do nothin, you don’t do nothin.

If you ever become a mother, can I have one of the puppies?

But you come to a point in your life when you can’t pull the trigger anymore.

Defeat the fear of death and welcome the death of fear.

In prehistoric times, mankind often had only two choices in crisis situations: fight or flee. In modern times, humor offers us a third alternative; fight, flee – or laugh.

I was unaware of the dispute in Brooklyn. I would never knowingly wear any clothes or support any company who produced clothing with alleged wage and labor violations.

If there are dominant teams, people enjoy discussing whether that’s good or bad for the game, and if there aren’t any dominant teams, then people enjoy discussing that.

Yesterday Jerry Springer bowed out of the Ohio Senate race. He said, ‘If I can’t run the most embarrassing campaign in America, then I’m out of here.’

My wife and I, we like to ride where there’s not much traffic.

Love is so confusing – you tell a girl she looks great and what’s the first thing you do? Turn out the lights!

Success in show business depends on your ability to make and keep friends.

I know how I like to be treated, so I always start by saying, ‘Could you give me a moment of your time, I know you’re very busy,’ and usually, they will.

Don’t minimize the importance of luck in determining life’s course.

I foresee the Chinese ruling the world. What are you going to do to stop it? No president of the United States will ever have enough power to stop the Chinese when they want to...

I have no doubt that there are great people about though… the thing of it is, nothing to this day moves me like classical music (Debussy, Vaughn Williams).

Inflation is bringing us true democracy. For the first time in history, luxuries and necessities are selling at the same price.

My team and I have reunited two elements that coexist with difficulty: respect and affection, because when they love you they don’t respect you and when they respect you they don’t love you.

You know, it sounds corny, but I believe in myself. And I work hard.

Did you see the statue topple? Bill Clinton got nostalgic seeing something that big in a beret go down.

Harley-Davidson is the finest company in the world.

If I can go from burglar for the government to talk show host, you can go from entertainer to congressman.

Every morning I get up and look through the Forbes list of the richest people in America. If I’m not there, I go to work.

In this life, to earn your place you have to fight for it.

Commuting from New York to Hollywood to do this show gets more interesting every week. Before I used to think the country was just New York on one end and Los Angeles on the other,...

People here in Los Angeles are disgusted now about a sex scandal involving Arnold Schwarzenegger. Apparently for seven years, he carried on a sexual relationship with his own wife.

Riding a motorcycle on today’s highways, you have to ride in a very defensive manner. You have to be a good rider and you have to have both hands and both feet on the controls...

A vacation is having nothing to do and all day to do it in.

I’ve been rich and I’ve been poor; Believe me, honey, rich is better.

I liked the way they treated the first, second, and third place finishers equally. It was an amazing year. I only entered two song contests this year; I won one and placed second in the...

Don’t tell me what you believe in. I’ll observe how you behave and I will make my own determination.

I guess I thought I was Elvis Presley but I’ll tell ya something. All Elvis did was stand on a stage and play a guitar. He never fell off on that pavement at no 80...

I have to plead basic ignorance of most new jazz artists here.

Quit worrying about your health. It will go away.

I’m involved in the stock market, which is fun and, sometimes, very painful.

I’d just hit the Billboard thing, and I had a good feeling. About a month ago, I received a call that said I was in the running, that I’d made the final 25. So I...

As fighting in Iraq intensifies, President Bush delivered his supplemental war budget to Congress. The money will cover 30 days of fighting, then we’ll be sent one war every other month until we cancel our...

I love the feeling of the fresh air on my face and the wind blowing through my hair.

I believe that before anybody makes the journey to the other side, we have to know on a soul level that we are leaving, whether it’s an accident or illness, and we prepare ourselves to...

Dick Clark is an American icon. I am honored that he has entrusted me with such a role in this national tradition.

It doesn’t bother me to talk about my private life, it doesn’t bother me to talk about anything. My life is like a glass of water, transparent.

Being nominated is a great thrill, and we like to say that all four of us were nominated, which means that our director, Anthony Page was nominated four times.

Arnold Schwarzenegger announced he’s running for governor. He’s got a great slogan – ‘Vote for me, or I’ll make ‘Kindergarten Cop II’

The other thing I wanted but never got to do had something to do with Liz Taylor but she’s getting a little old and a little fat.

There’s so much pollution in the air now that if it weren’t for our lungs there’d be no place to put it all.

From birth to 18 a girl needs good parents. From 18 to 35, she needs good looks. From 35 to 55, good personality. From 55 on, she needs good cash. I’m saving my money.

I love Nashville. I was down there recently, and I was talking to all the cab drivers, they’re all songwriters, everybody’s a songwriter down there.

I don’t gamble, because winning a hundred dollars doesn’t give me great pleasure. But losing a hundred dollars pisses me off.

I know guys in my hometown that drive by feel and sound.

Maybe its a case of one guitar feeling a certain way to the hands that makes one subsequently move differently over the strings, but my intent is always to wring the maximum emotional resonance out...