Why don’t they make the whole plane out of that black box stuff?

I put instant coffee in a microwave oven and almost went back in time.

I tried to hang myself with a bungee cord. I kept almost dying.

If a man says something in the woods and there are no women there, is he still wrong?

The sign said “eight items or less”. So I changed my name to Les.

Shin: a device for finding furniture in the dark.

In my house there’s this light switch that doesn’t do anything. Every so often I would flick it on and off just to check. Yesterday, I got a call from a woman in Madagascar. She...

When everything is coming your way, you’re in the wrong lane.

If at first you don’t succeed then skydiving definitely isn’t for you.

I’m writing a book. I’ve got the page numbers done.

I watched the Indy 500, and I was thinking that if they left earlier theywouldn’t have to go so fast.

I have an inferiority complex, but it’s not a very good one.

What a nice night for an evening.

What’s another word for thesaurus?

I spilled spot remover on my dog; now he’s gone.