Of all my old associations, of all my old pursuits and hopes, of all the living and the dead world, this one poor soul alone comes natural to me, and I am fit for. There...

My whole back’s tattooed. I just wanted a twist. I was always in punk bands when I was little… I think that’s where the tie comes from.

A tie is a win for more than one person. But a tie is also a loss equally shared by two or more people.

A tie is a two-way loss, not a double win. Only a loser feels like a winner by being the equal of his opponent.

A tie is like an arrow pointing to my crotch. A tie is also like an even score.

I had a dream about you. You were my main competition for the 2014 Rocking Chair Race Championship Series. It’s the most movement you can make without actually moving anywhere. I won that race—and I...

Before job interviews, I think: What color tie best represents me as a person this company would be interested in?

I could tell we were going to get along from the way he wiped his ass—on my tie.

What I thought was a black hole turned out to be nothing more than a splatter of ink on my tie. And I assumed I was wearing the most astrological outfit of the century.

He tried drowning himself, but he only succeeded in taking a bath. That man was my dad, and I showed him how to tie a tie—and a noose.

Your answer is the logical, coherent answer an absolutely normal person would give: It’s a tie! A lunatic, however, would say that what I have around my neck is a ridiculous, useless bit of colored...