I don’t have a tan because I only come out at night. The only sun I get is reflected off the moon. I make love like a vampire, only entirely different and without completely filling...

She has a body for years, and I have an astronaut tan. When we make love it will be like (x + 2)(2x -1) = 0, solve for x.

I’m hard to love, but I love hard, like my heart is the sun yearning to tan your naked body. I promise I won’t burn you.

I work out like a maniac and I spray tan a lot. Genetics were kind, but I work very hard.

They built these little tanning booths for Brooke and I to do nothing but lay down and tan all over.

If everyone could just live near the ocean, I think we’d all be happier. It’s hard to be down about anything knee deep in the sand.

I want to grow a tan and an accent, then dig it out of my garden and staple it to my naked body. I like Salmon Rushdie like a bear would. Especially with a honey...

Jacksonville has sunny days 80% of the year. That’s probably why 20% of my body is always untanned. Who knew that the fraction 20% is shaped like a Speedo?

Well now,” the scholar went on, “I’m just an old fuddy-duddy who could use a tan, so you needn’t grant my opinion any authority, but I consider the queendom lucky that a handful of Milliners...