The most enjoyable book in the world is the phone book, because think of all the sex that went into creating the content.

Reading—it’s the third best thing to do in bed.

One word I’d use to describe space is lonely. The only way I’ll board a space shuttle is if I had a babysitter with me. You know, to watch the baby I’ll make with her.

She looked like the kind of woman I could fall in love with. Trouble is, she was standing next to the kind of woman I’d like to make love to.

I want to make love like the most romantic thing ever, but I just don’t know how to go about learning how to fornicate like a flower.