A brick could be used as a cube. No it couldn’t. If you thought it could, you need to be punished. I’m going to recommend to the high school principal that you be forced to...

A blanket could be used as a water purification device. Place it between a flowing water source and your storage barrel and let the blanket filter out impurities. Then after your water is pure, drop...

A brick can be used to represent a ruin, or the beginning of new construction. With a brick, the past is the future.

A brick could be used to unite two long-lost brothers. They’ve been apart for six inches, and that’s entirely too long, and I think it’d be good to bring them back together.

A brick could be used to suppress the price of gold. But not for very long, because once the people realize the unrealized potential in undercutting the central bankers, gold will rise and fiat currency...

A brick could be used in the back part of a director’s last name, to make an epic space odyssey.

A brick can be used to represent the zero probability of this book being any good.

A brick could be used to sell a blanket, in a buy one get one free situation. It doesn’t matter if it’s rubble, if it’s free people want it.

A brick could be used to stop the tears. The inside of my jeans’ pockets look suspiciously like handkerchiefs. Here, let me take off my pants so you can blow your nose.

A blanket could be used to sell ice cream to streakers. Well, it could, if those naked runners didn’t leave their wallets in their pants.

A blanket could be used to barter with. I could trade my blanket for your sex, and everybody’s happy but the tax collector.

A blanket could be used to alert your guest when he’s overstayed his welcome. But what’s even more effective would be a flying brick at his forehead. Subtlety can be a bit soft, and can...

A brick could be used as an AFD, or Atmospheric Floating Device, whose sole function is to make people ask WTF?

A blanket could be made of tuna fish skin, which would go well with my cottage cheese thighs.

A brick could be used to help you keep your job. Just hold it down, man.

A brick could be used in a manner most secret. But Shh! I can’t tell you. What part about secret don’t you understand?

The cloud cover made for a terrible blanket.

A brick could be used as a flashlight. What, still dark? Check the batteries, because they may be dead.

A brick could be used in speech therapy, to cure a stutter. I mean look at me, I don’t have a stutter. But to be fair, I never did have a stutter, so I can’t...

A brick could be used in a knee replacement surgery, to build back the wall separating man from a sub four-minute mile. Damn you, Roger Bannister!

A brick could be used as a color in a new line of lipstick, designed to woo the mason of every woman’s dreams.

A blanket could be folded up and kept in the trunk of my car, in much the same way that I do with the Chinese gymnastics team before I chauffer them around town.

A brick could be used as a child’s game to improve memory. I forgot how exactly, but then I never played much.

I’ll take a brick in a blanket, hold the ice.” What the bartender started, the Finnish guy finished, and the brick and the blanket thought they’d better to drink elsewhere. * A brick in a...

A brick could be used to aid the lonely. Carry it with you, converse with it, and if you drink enough, you can even make love to it.

A brick could be flipped over and turned endlessly. But it still won’t start your car.

The Builders are building with you in mind, dear citizen, so don’t worry your tiny mind about whether the bricks they are using are going to construct schools or prisons. They won’t tell, and you...

A brick is a biographical film in which a young orphan brick from the wrong side of the track grows up to be one of the most important bricks in all brick kind, as it...

A blanket could be used to spot the blind. I’d spot Helen Keller nine points in a ten-point basketball game.

A blanket could be used for anti-population-control purposes. Get naked and get under the blanket and I’ll show you how it works.

A blanket could be used to tell you exactly what I mean, at precisely the moment I don’t mean it. When I say go, Don’t!

A brick could be used to crush the Fruit of Desire and make the Juice of Destiny. Drink it before I lose my erection.

A blanket could be used as a tarp to cover an outdoor swimming pool the size of a bed. As far as training goes, swimming is such a snooze of a sport that I think...

I took a nap and used a napkin as a blanket. Obviously it was a small nap.

A blanket could be used to smother a fire—but not the fire that burns in my heart for you. Or perhaps that’s merely heartburn, and you’re just as common as a brick.

A blanket can be rolled up, much like I roll up my emotions when I listen to political rhetoric.

A brick could be used to tell time. And just between you and me, I hope that brick tells time to go to hell.

A brick could be used like a fleeglebeegle, which in turn could be used like a zoopkatofka, which itself could be used like a Wexlybexter Device (the one with the hand crank, not the one...

A blanket could be used to cure the common cold. I mean, come on it’s just common sense. A blanket is warm, and if a cold is what it’s named, then a blanket would transform...

A brick could be used as motivation to acquire more bricks. Hey, I’m just trying to help here. Don’t shut me out by building a wall between us.

A brick could be used to keep warm, and a blanket could be used to build a house.

A blanket could be used as a scapegoat. But I’d rather use real goats, because they make better cheese.

A brick could be used as a hammer. A brick could be both a tool and a building material in the construction of a mansion. That’s like having an engineer design secret tunnels in your...

A brick, with its rigid conformity, could be used as a model for how the government wants its citizens to be treated. Every brick in this country is equal, and as such they should be...

One brick is not a wall. Unless you’re an ant, and then it’s not only a wall, it’s a building—a building that has no doors, windows, or people in the form of managers that I’d...

A blanket could be used to show people the benefits of sleeping with a parachute—especially if you’ve got a flying bed like I do.

A brick could be used to monitor earthquakes. If the brick crumbles apart, you can bet an earthquake occurred.

A blanket could be used to offset things likely to set you off. When you start to get hot, just wrap yourself in a warm blanket until you’re comforted and you cool down.

A brick could be used to start a civil war. And then that same brick could be used to start building the country up again after everything is destroyed.

A brick is……… Well it’s a bloody brick what more do you want from me?