Next to a circus there ain’t nothing that packs up and tears out any quicker than the Christmas spirit

The election isn’t very far off when a candidate can recognize you across the street

Some people pay a compliment as if they expected a receipt.

Live so that you can at least get the benefit of the doubt.

Why they call a feller that keeps losin’ all the time a good sport gits me

Nobody works as hard for his money as the man who marries it

We become actors without realizing it, and actors without wanting to.

If a feller screwed up his face when he asked for credit like he does when he’s asked to settle, he wouldn’t get it

Every time I read where some woman gave a short talk I wonder how she stopped

Nobody kicks on being interrupted if it’s by applause.

A lot of Thanksgiving days have been ruined by not carving the turkey in the kitchen.

Lots of folks confuse bad management with destiny.

Kindness goes a long ways lots o’ times when it ought t’ stay at home

If Rockyfeller could eat he wouldn’t be so rich

The election is not very far off when a candidate can recognize you across the street.

After a fellow gets famous it doesn’t take long for someone to bob up that used to sit by him in school

It seems that nothing ever gets to going good till there’s a few resignations

A true lady or gentleman remains at home with a grouch same as if they had pneumonia

The fellow that agrees with everything you say is either a fool or he is getting ready to skin you.

When some fellers decide to retire nobody knows the difference.

There are various sorts of curiosity; one is from interest, which makes us desire to know that which may be useful to us; and the other, from pride which comes from the wish to know...

If there’s anything a public servant hates to do it’s something for the public.

It’s what a fellow thinks he knows that hurts him.

Distant relatives are the best kind, and the further the better

Making a long stay short is a great aid to popularity.

Honesty pays, but it doesn’t seem to pay enough to suit some people.

If capital and labor ever do get together it’s good night for the rest of us

The man who says “”I may be wrong, but – “” does not believe there can be any such possibility

Th’ first one t’ ketch a circus in a lie is a boy

It is no disgrace to be poor, but it might as well be.

Fun is like life insurance; the older you get, the more it costs.

Where ignorance is bliss it’s foolish to borrow your neighbor’s newspaper

Some people are so sensitive they feel snubbed if an epidemic overlooks them

We would all like to vote for the best man but he is never a candidate.

The worst waste of breath, next to playing a saxophone, is advising a son

My idea of walking into the jaws of death is marrying some woman who has lost three husbands.

Some folks can look so busy doing ‘ that they seem indispensable

The woman that tries t’ keep up with the’ procession don’t see near as much as her husband who stands on the’ curb

Nobody ever grew despondent looking for trouble.

The fellow that owns his own house is always just coming out of a hardware store

I’ll say this for adversity: people seem to be able to stand it, and that’s more than I can say for prosperity

Beauty is only skin deep, but it is a valuable asset if you are poor or have not any sense

It’s no disgrace to be poor, but it might as well be

Why doesn’t the fellow who says, ”I’m no speechmaker” let it go at that instead of giving a demonstration?

Bees are not as busy as we think they are. They just can’t buzz any slower.

Of all the home remedies, a good wife is best

I haven’t heard of anybody who want’s to stop living on account of the cost

Lack of pep is often mistaken for patience.

Th’ only way t’ entertain some folks is t’ listen t’ ’em.

In order to live off a garden, you practically have to live in it.