It’s no disgrace to be poor, but it might as well be

Why doesn’t the fellow who says, ”I’m no speechmaker” let it go at that instead of giving a demonstration?

The fellow that owns his own house is always just coming out of a hardware store

I’ll say this for adversity: people seem to be able to stand it, and that’s more than I can say for prosperity

Beauty is only skin deep, but it is a valuable asset if you are poor or have not any sense

I haven’t heard of anybody who want’s to stop living on account of the cost

Lack of pep is often mistaken for patience.

Bees are not as busy as we think they are. They just can’t buzz any slower.

Of all the home remedies, a good wife is best

Politics makes strange postmasters.

As to those who hoard gold and silver and spend it not in God’s path, give them, then, the tidings of a painful agony: on a day when these things shall be heated in hell-fire,...

Th’ only way t’ entertain some folks is t’ listen t’ ’em.

In order to live off a garden, you practically have to live in it.

It’s the good loser who finally loses out

The chronic grumbler is a church social compared to the feller that agrees with everything you say

A loafer always has the correct time.

We’d all like t’vote fer th’ best man, but he’s never a candidate

You won’t skid if you stay in a rut.

Nothing’s as mean as giving a little child something useful for Christmas.

A bargain is anything a customer thinks a store is losing money on

Another bad thing about “”prosperity”” is that you can’t jingle any money without bein’ under suspicion

We’d all like t’vote fer th’best man, but he’s never a candidate.

There isn’t much to be seen in a little town, but what you hear makes up for it

One of the commonest ailments of the present day is premature formation of an opinion.

There’s no secret about success. Did you ever know a successful man who didn’t tell you about it?

Plain spoken people get most of the recognition because folks are afraid of them.

Some fellows get credit for being conservative when they are only stupid

Tilford Moots wuz over t’ the’ Henryville poor farm th’ other day t’ see an ole friend o’ his thet used t’ publish a newspaper thet pleased ever’buddy

The height of ability consists in a thorough knowledge of the real value of things, and of the genius of the age in which we live.

The feller that calls you “”brother”” generally wants something that don’t belong to him

Bargain… anything a customer thinks a store is losing money on.

There are two ways to handle a woman, and nobody knows either of them

No one can feel as helpless as the owner of a sick goldfish.

Only one fellow in ten thousand understands the currency question, and we meet him every day

It used to be that a fellow went on the police force when everything else failed, but today he goes in the advertising game.

Everything comes to him who waits, except a loaned book.

Nobody ever forgets where he buried the hatchet.

It would be a swell world if everybody was as pleasant as the fellow who’s trying to skin you

A good listener is usually thinking about something else.

Who remembers when we used to rest on Sunday instead of Monday?

The safest way to double your money is to fold it over once and put it in your pocket.

It seems t’ me that when a feller hain’t got neither time ner money t’ do a thing our celebrated prosperity has reached the limit

Young Lafe Bud says he always hates t’ get his hair cut cause it makes his hat look so old

A long memory and a long tongue are regular ole cronies

It’s pretty hard to tell what does bring happiness; poverty and wealth have both failed.

When a fellow says it ain’t the money but the principle of the thing, it’s the money

The hardest thing is to take less when you can get more.

The feller that brags about how cheap he heats his home always sees the first robin

He was a power politically for years, but he never got prominent enough t’have his speeches garbled

A loafer always has the correct time