Honesty pays, but it don’t seem to pay enough to suit some people.

The world gels better every day – then worse again in the evening

He was a power politically for years, but he never got prominent enough t’have his speeches garbled

A loafer always has the correct time

Of all the unbearable nuisances, the ignoramus that has traveled is the worst

You kin never tell what a woman or a country jury is goin’ to do

If government were as afraid of disturbing the consumer as it is of disturbing business, this would be some democracy.

One of the commonest mistakes is thinking your worries are over when your children get married.

Men are not punished for their for sins, but by them.

Why doesn’t the fellow who says “I’m no speechmaker” let it go at that instead of giving a demonstration?

You never see no “to let” signs on Easy Street

Now and then an innocent man is sent to the legislature.

Folks that blurt out just what they think wouldn’t be so bad if they thought.

It’s the good loser who finally loses out.

Many a family tree needs trimming

We’d all like t’vote for th’ best man, but he’s never a candidate

It is pretty hard to tell what does bring happiness; poverty and wealth have both failed.

Classical music is the kind we keep thinking will turn into a tune.

The reason the way of the transgressor is hard is because it’s so crowded

Boys will be boys, and so will a lot of middle-aged men.

All I kin git out o’ the Wickersham position on prohibition is that the distinguished jurist seems to feel that if we’d let ’em have it the problem o’ keepin’ ’em from gitten;’ it would...

The hardest thing to stop is a temporary chairman

Every once in a while someone without a single bad habit gets caught.

If at first you do succeed, don’t take any more chances.

Listening is the only way to entertain some folks.

A chap ort t’ save a few o’ the’ long evenings he spends with his girl till after they’re married

We’d all like to vote for the best man, but he’s never a candidate

When some folks agree with my opinions I begin to suspect I’m wrong.

Kindness goes a long ways lots of times when it ought to stay at home.

There is nothing so aggravating as a fresh boy who is too old to ignore and too young to kick

The less a statesman amounts to, the more he loves the flag

A bee is never as busy as it seems; it’s just that it can’t buzz any slower.

It isn’t enough for you to love money – it’s also necessary that money should love you.

Very often the quiet fellow has said all he knows

The safe way to double your money is to fold it over once and put it in your pocket.

Don’t knock the weather; nine-tenths of the people couldn’t start a conversation if it didn’t change once in a while.

Nobuddy ever fergits where he buried a hatchet

Everyone complains of his lack of memory, but nobody of his want of judgment.

All the world loves a good loser.

A never-failing way to get rid of a fellow is to tell him something for his own good

When some fellows decide to retire nobody knows the difference

Being an optimist after you’ve got everything you want doesn’t count.

One of the simple but genuine pleasures in life is getting up in the morning and hurrying to a mousetrap you set the night before.

The only way to entertain some folks is to listen to them.

A grouch escapes so many little annoyances that it almost pays to be one

Lots of fellows think a home is only good to borrow money on

The’ feller that sets on a store box with his mouth full of scrap terbacker while his wife is at home sewing’ fer a living’ knows jist exactly how t’ regulate the railroads

A bad cold wouldn’t be so annoying if it weren’t for the advice of our friends.

Nothing will dispel enthusiasm like a small admission fee.

It’s going to be fun to watch and see how long the meek can keep the earth once they inherit it