Secret 2591. If you can’t assure, obscure.

The Amish purposely wear drab clothing to discourage lust. If they want to prevent lust, why don’t Amish people just walk around naked?

To not wear anything, and to wear nothing, are not the same.

The statements I provided under oath were not false, they were substantially mispronounced.

A stone trips you. A daisy reaches up and pulls you down.

The real F-word is ‘future.

It may be easier to beg forgiveness than ask permission, but it’s smarter to get ordered to do it.

The State Department said no American is proud of CIA interrogations. OK, so we’re not as good as the Syrians at it, but we’re not that bad.

To be ‘decimated’ means to lose a tenth of one’s population. I’ve lived in places where that’s just a busy Saturday night.

People who need people who need people need the luckiest people in the world.

The problem with the Peter Principle is that it assumes somebody somewhere is competent in the first place.

No easy answers? I know plenty of answers that’ll do it on the very first date.

The Covert Comic: glans clitoridis of America’s intelligence gap.

Don’t try this at home. Do this at home, or do this at home not, there is no try.

They say if you’re not part of the steamroller, you’re part of the road. I say I’d rather be part of the road than the seat on the steamroller.

Any first-year analyst can tell you what’s happening. But it takes a seasoned intelligence professional to show that nothing’s happening at all.

In the final analysis, it’s even money whether they’ll use the phrase ‘in the final analysis.

Saw a headline: ‘Killers Executed In Three States.’ How is drawing out their executions like that not cruel and unusual punishment???

Control is under the situation.

Leak not the secret, lest the secret leak you.

Even if I did create them myself, I still think I’m doing pretty well under the circumstances.

Whatever doesn’t kill me makes me stronger. Now if I could just find something that doesn’t kill me.

The question isn’t whether it’s SFW, the question is whether W is SF it.

They call it a mushroom cloud because ‘cauliflower cloud’ would just be too scary.

All my memories seem to happen to music. Memories of my mother and father; waking up early on Christmas morning; the little apartment we lived in above the disco.

The aim of the conspiracy is to come up with an aim for the conspiracy.

I’m willing to forgive and forget, but damned if I’ll be forgiven and forgotten.

I don’t subscribe to conspiracy theories unless they include the swimsuit issue for free.

Is the line between the essential and the peripheral essential or peripheral?

Vulcan Dis of the Week: Perhaps, t’hy’la, you should perform a mind meld on yourself, in order to determine what the bogozh you’re thinking.

Director’s cut? Let’s hope it’s a major artery.

While my radar gently beeps.

I can’t hear the phrase ‘Bay of Pigs invasion’ without thinking of bacon.

If I don’t love something, is it still OK to set it free?

Except for briefings after lunch, CIA does not practice torture.

Secret 80916003. If it doesn’t hurt when they snatch it, it isn’t worth dangling.

Back in the day, before he was president, you just know James Madison’s homies called him JMad.

Secret 4.1. Whatever makes a nail go in is a hammer.

I can pass any polygraph, as long as it’s cut up into small enough bites.

May your assets be twice as loyal to you as you are to them.

The US Intelligence Community: ark and flood in one package.

CIA. Global, mobile, with a cause that’s noble.

Don’t hate the conspiracy, date the conspiracy!

The more important the briefing, the fewer the people in the room, toward a limit of -∞

By stripping it of natural moisturizers, ethnic cleansers leave your ethnicity dry, wrinkled and flaky.

If not for his call to priesthoodThe Bishop Fulton SheenMight have been a five-star generalOr even a famed drag queen

Whenever God kicks in a door, He padlocks it later.

The trouble with facial recognition software is that you get mistaken for every other person who doesn’t have a face.

Whom the gods would destroy, they first make gods.

Le 99%, c’est moi.