Every day in America is a day with a shooting.

We are oblivious to suffering. We are cheap with charity if it’s not close to our home.

If somebody asks if you tweeted your penis and your answer is anything other than “No,” you tweeted your penis.

I think religion is a neurological disorder.

New Rule: You can’t put a windmill in your campaign ad if you voted against every single bill that might lead to someone building one. As long as you’re sending a camera crew to a...

Sticking one’s head in the sand is a deep human impulse. Like when you feel some kind of bump or growth on the back of your neck, and your heart jumps, because, Christ, that could...

We’re all gonna be gay if we get health care!

The true axis of evil in America is the brilliance of our marketing combined with the stupidity of our people.

If a fourteen year-old can deliver your message, it’s not because he’s gifted. It’s because intellectually, you’re a child.

New Rule: Apple’s next device must be a computer that you control with your tongue. Thanks for eliminating the keyboard and the mouse, but pointing and pushing at things already seems too complicated and tiring....