CUNNING, n. The faculty that distinguishes a weak animal or person from a strong one. It brings its possessor much mental satisfaction and great material adversity. An Italian proverb says: “The furrier gets the skins...

Laughter is an interior convulsion, producing a distortion of the features and accompanied by inarticulate noises. It is infectious and, though intermittent, incurable.

REVEILLE, n. A signal to sleeping soldiers to dream of battlefields no more, but get up and have their blue noses counted. In the American army it is ingeniously called “rev-e-lee,” and to that pronunciation...

HAND, n. A singular instrument worn at the end of the human arm and commonly thrust into somebody’s pocket.

LUMINARY, n. One who throws light upon a subject; as an editor by not writing about it.

JEWS-HARP, n. An unmusical instrument, played by holding it fast with the teeth and trying to brush it away with the finger.

RECOUNT, n. In American politics, another throw of the dice, accorded to the player against whom they are loaded.

REQUIEM, n. A mass for the dead which the minor poets assure us the winds sing o’er the graves of their favorites. Sometimes, by way of providing a varied entertainment, they sing a dirge.

REPORTER, n. A writer who guesses his way to the truth and dispels it with a tempest of words.”More dear than all my bosom knows, O thou Whose ‘lips are sealed’ and will not disavow!”...

POSITIVISM, n. A philosophy that denies our knowledge of the Real and affirms our ignorance of the Apparent. Its longest exponent is Comte, its broadest Mill and its thickest Spencer.

CONFIDANT, CONFIDANTE, n. One entrusted by A with the secrets of B, confided by “”him”” to C.

UBIQUITY, n. The gift or power of being in all places at one time, but not in all places at all times, which is omnipresence, an attribute of God and the luminiferous ether only. This...

ACHIEVEMENT, n. The death of endeavor and the birth of disgust.

EVANGELIST, n. A bearer of good tidings, particularly (in a religious sense) such as assure us of our own salvation and the damnation of our neighbors.

PICTURE, n. A representation in two dimensions of something wearisome in three.”Behold great Daubert’s picture here on view — Taken from Life.” If that description’s true, Grant, heavenly Powers, that I be taken, too. –Jali...

DISOBEDIENCE, n. The silver lining to the cloud of servitude.

TELESCOPE, n. A device having a relation to the eye similar to that of the telephone to the ear, enabling distant objects to plague us with a multitude of needless details. Luckily it is unprovided...

NOMINATE, v. To designate for the heaviest political assessment. To put forward a suitable person to incur the mudgobbling and deadcatting of the opposition.

BRANDY, n. A cordial composed of one part thunder-and-lightning, one part remorse, two parts bloody murder, one part death-hell-and-the- grave and four parts clarified Satan. Dose, a headful all the time. Brandy is said by...

DELEGATION, n. In American politics, an article of merchandise that comes in sets.

NOISE, n. A stench in the ear. Undomesticated music. The chief product and authenticating sign of civilization.

The hardest tumble a man can make is to fall over his own bluff.

EXCOMMUNICATION, n.This “”excommunication”” is a word In speech ecclesiastical oft heard, And means the damning, with bell, book and candle, Some sinner whose opinions are a scandal — A rite permitting Satan to enslave him...

GNOME, n. In North-European mythology, a dwarfish imp inhabiting the interior parts of the earth and having special custody of mineral treasures. Bjorsen, who died in 1765, says gnomes were common enough in the southern...

CLIO, n. One of the nine Muses. Clio’s function was to preside over history –which she did with great dignity, many of the prominent citizens of Athens occupying seats on the platform, the meetings being...

IMMIGRANT, n. An unenlightened person who thinks one country better than another.

TALK, v.t. To commit an indiscretion without temptation, from an impulse without purpose.

FOLLY, n. That “”gift and faculty divine”” whose creative and controlling energy inspires Man’s mind, guides his actions and adorns his life.Folly! although Erasmus praised thee once In a thick volume, and all authors known,...

PATRIOT, n. One to whom the interests of a part seem superior to those of the whole. The dupe of statesmen and the tool of conquerors.

REDRESS, n. Reparation without satisfaction. Among the Anglo-Saxon a subject conceiving himself wronged by the king was permitted, on proving his injury, to beat a brazen image of the royal offender with a switch that...

CALLOUS, adj. Gifted with great fortitude to bear the evils afflicting another.

POVERTY, n. A file provided for the teeth of the rats of reform. Its victims are distinguished by possession of all the virtues and by their faith in leaders seeking to conduct them into a...

OATH, n. In law, a solemn appeal to the Deity, made binding upon the conscience by a penalty for perjury.

REPENTANCE, n. The faithful attendant and follower of Punishment. It is usually manifest in a degree of reformation that is not inconsistent with continuity of sin.Desirous to avoid the pains of Hell, You will repent...

What this country needs – what every country needs occasionally – is a good hard bloody war to revive the vice of patriotism on which its existence as a nation depends

REPUBLIC, n. A nation in which, the thing governing and the thing governed being the same, there is only a permitted authority to enforce an optional obedience. In a republic, the foundation of public order...

MAIDEN, n. A young person of the unfair sex addicted to clewless conduct and views that madden to crime. The genus has a wide geographical distribution, being found wherever sought and deplored wherever found. The...

ZANY, n. A popular character in old Italian plays, who imitated with ludicrous incompetence the _buffone_, or clown, and was therefore the ape of an ape; for the clown himself imitated the serious characters of...

Habit: The shackles of the free.

FORMA PAUPERIS. [Latin] In the character of a poor person –a method by which a litigant without money for lawyers is considerately permitted to lose his case.When Adam long ago in Cupid’s awful court(For Cupid...

EMOTION, n. A prostrating disease caused by a determination of the heart to the head. It is sometimes accompanied by a copious discharge of hydrated chloride of sodium from the eyes.

Divorce. A resumption of diplomatic relations and rectification of boundaries.

A total abstainer is one who abstains from everything but abstention, and especially from inactivity in the affairs of others.

HOUSE, n. A hollow edifice erected for the habitation of man, rat, mouse, beelte, cockroach, fly, mosquito, flea, bacillus and microbe. _House of Correction_, a place of reward for political and personal service, and for...

Strike while your employer has a big contract.

WORSHIP, n. Homo Creator’s testimony to the sound construction and fine finish of Deus Creatus. A popular form of abjection, having an element of pride.

EXECUTIVE, n. An officer of the Government, whose duty it is to enforce the wishes of the legislative power until such time as the judicial department shall be pleased to pronounce them invalid and of...

ACCOUNTABILITY, n. The mother of caution.

MULTITUDE, n. A crowd; the source of political wisdom and virtue. In a republic, the object of the statesman’s adoration. “”In a multitude of consellors there is wisdom,”” saith the proverb. If many men of...

KILT, n. A costume sometimes worn by Scotchmen in America and Americans in Scotland.