FREEBOOTER, n. A conqueror in a small way of business, whose annexations lack of the sanctifying merit of magnitude.

FAIRY, n. A creature, variously fashioned and endowed, that formerly inhabited the meadows and forests. It was nocturnal in its habits, and somewhat addicted to dancing and the theft of children. The fairies are now...

RECRUIT, n. A person distinguishable from a civilian by his uniform and from a soldier by his gait.

FIDDLE, n. An instrument to tickle human ears by friction of a horse’s tail on the entrails of a cat.

PRICE, n. Value, plus a reasonable sum for the wear and tear of conscience in demanding it.

RIDICULE, n. Words designed to show that the person of whom they are uttered is devoid of the dignity of character distinguishing him who utters them. It may be graphic, mimetic or merely rident. Shaftesbury...

REFLECTION, n. An action of the mind whereby we obtain a clearer view of our relation to the things of yesterday and are able to avoid the perils that we shall not again encounter.

DRAMATIST, n. One who adapts plays from the French.

PREFERENCE, n. A sentiment, or frame of mind, induced by the erroneous belief that one thing is better than another. An ancient philosopher, expounding his conviction that life is no better than death, was asked...

SYLPH, n. An immaterial but visible being that inhabited the air when the air was an element and before it was fatally polluted with factory smoke, sewer gas and similar products of civilization. Sylphs were...

PHILANTHROPIST, n. A rich (and usually bald) old gentleman who has trained himself to grin while his conscience is picking his pocket.

ORATORY, n. A conspiracy between speech and action to cheat the understanding. A tyranny tempered by stenography.

WOMAN, n.An animal usually living in the vicinity of Man, and having a rudimentary susceptibility to domestication. It is credited by many of the elder zoologists with a certain vestigial docility acquired in a former...

TRIAL, n. A formal inquiry designed to prove and put upon record the blameless characters of judges, advocates and jurors. In order to effect this purpose it is necessary to supply a contrast in the...

ELOQUENCE, n. The art of orally persuading fools that white is the color that it appears to be. It includes the gift of making any color appear white.

TEETOTALER, n. One who abstains from strong drink, sometimes totally, sometimes tolerably totally.

BOTTLE-NOSED, adj. Having a nose created in the image of its maker.

WEATHER, n. The climate of the hour. A permanent topic of conversation among persons whom it does not interest, but who have inherited the tendency to chatter about it from naked arboreal ancestors whom it...

BOUNTY, n. The liberality of one who has much, in permitting one who has nothing to get all that he can.

Incompatibility: In matrimony, a similarity of tastes, particularly the taste for domination.

CAPITAL, n. The seat of misgovernment. That which provides the fire, the pot, the dinner, the table and the knife and fork for the anarchist; the part of the repast that himself supplies is the...

CORPORAL, n. A man who occupies the lowest rung of the military ladder.Fiercely the battle raged and, sad to tell, Our corporal heroically fell! Fame from her height looked down upon the brawl And said:...

EJECTION, n. An approved remedy for the disease of garrulity. It is also much used in cases of extreme poverty.

HOVEL, n. The fruit of a flower called the Palace.Twaddle had a hovel, Twiddle had a palace; Twaddle said: “”I’ll grovel Or he’ll think I bear him malice”” — A sentiment as novel As a...

APPLAUSE, n. The echo of a platitude.

LUNARIAN, n. An inhabitant of the moon, as distinguished from Lunatic, one whom the moon inhabits. The Lunarians have been described by Lucian, Locke and other observers, but without much agreement. For example, Bragellos avers...

A medal is a small metal disk given as a reward for virtues, attainments or services more or less authentic.

IRRELIGION, n. The principal one of the great faiths of the world.

CRITIC, n. A person who boasts himself hard to please because nobody tries to please him.There is a land of pure delight, Beyond the Jordan’s flood, Where saints, apparelled all in white, Fling back the...

GENEROUS, adj. Originally this word meant noble by birth and was rightly applied to a great multitude of persons. It now means noble by nature and is taking a bit of a rest.

INADMISSIBLE, adj. Not competent to be considered. Said of certain kinds of testimony which juries are supposed to be unfit to be entrusted with, and which judges, therefore, rule out, even of proceedings before themselves...

GRAVE, n. A place in which the dead are laid to await the coming of the medical student.Beside a lonely grave I stood — With brambles ’twas encumbered; The winds were moaning in the wood,...

POPULIST, n. A fossil patriot of the early agricultural period, found in the old red soapstone underlying Kansas; characterized by an uncommon spread of ear, which some naturalists contend gave him the power of flight,...

OSTRICH, n. A large bird to which (for its sins, doubtless) nature has denied that hinder toe in which so many pious naturalists have seen a conspicuous evidence of design. The absence of a good...

In each human heart are a tiger, a pig, an ass and a nightingale. Diversity of character is due to their unequal activity.

IMPENITENCE, n. A state of mind intermediate in point of time between sin and punishment.

POCKET, n. The cradle of motive and the grave of conscience. In woman this organ is lacking; so she acts without motive, and her conscience, denied burial, remains ever alive, confessing the sins of others.

REFUGE, n. Anything assuring protection to one in peril. Moses and Joshua provided six cities of refuge –Bezer, Golan, Ramoth, Kadesh, Schekem and Hebron –to which one who had taken life inadvertently could flee when...

Impiety, n. Your irreverence toward my deity

MENDACIOUS, adj. Addicted to rhetoric.

BERENICE’S HAIR, n. A constellation (_Coma Berenices_) named in honor of one who sacrificed her hair to save her husband.Her locks an ancient lady gave Her loving husband’s life to save; And men –they honored...

CONTROVERSY, n. A battle in which spittle or ink replaces the injurious cannon-ball and the inconsiderate bayonet.In controversy with the facile tongue — That bloodless warfare of the old and young — So seek your...

MONDAY, n. In Christian countries, the day after the baseball game.

PREJUDICE, n. A vagrant opinion without visible means of support.

Interpreter, n.: One who enables two persons of different languages to understand each other by repeating to each what it would have been to the interpreter’s advantage for the other to have said.

BASILISK, n. The cockatrice. A sort of serpent hatched form the egg of a cock. The basilisk had a bad eye, and its glance was fatal. Many infidels deny this creature’s existence, but Semprello Aurator...

HEAT, n.Heat, says Professor Tyndall, is a mode Of motion, but I know now how he’s proving His point; but this I know –hot words bestowed With skill will set the human fist a-moving, And...

NON-COMBATANT, n. A dead Quaker.

SHERIFF, n. In America the chief executive office of a country, whose most characteristic duties, in some of the Western and Southern States, are the catching and hanging of rogues.John Elmer Pettibone Cajee(I write of...

DISOBEY, v.t. To celebrate with an appropriate ceremony the maturity of a command.His right to govern me is clear as day, My duty manifest to disobey; And if that fit observance e’er I shut May...