SMITHAREEN, n. A fragment, a decomponent part, a remain. The word is used variously, but in the following verse on a noted female reformer who opposed bicycle-riding by women because it “”led them to the...

GALLOWS, n. A stage for the performance of miracle plays, in which the leading actor is translated to heaven. In this country the gallows is chiefly remarkable for the number of persons who escape it.Whether...

BLACKGUARD, n. A man whose qualities, prepared for display like a box of berries in a market –the fine ones on top –have been opened on the wrong side. An inverted gentleman.

GNOSTICS, n. A sect of philosophers who tried to engineer a fusion between the early Christians and the Platonists. The former would not go into the caucus and the combination failed, greatly to the chagrin...

Habit is a shackle for the free.

SERIAL, n. A literary work, usually a story that is not true, creeping through several issues of a newspaper or magazine. Frequently appended to each installment is a “”synposis of preceding chapters”” for those who...

PRE-EXISTENCE, n. An unnoted factor in creation.

USAGE, n. The First Person of the literary Trinity, the Second and Third being Custom and Conventionality. Imbued with a decent reverence for this Holy Triad an industrious writer may hope to produce books that...

Calamities are of two kinds: misfortune to ourselves, and good fortune to others

INSECTIVORA, n.””See,”” cries the chorus of admiring preachers,””How Providence provides for all His creatures!””””His care,”” the gnat said, “”even the insects follows: For us He has provided wrens and swallows.”” –Sempen Railey

RIBROASTER, n. Censorious language by oneself concerning another. The word is of classical refinement, and is even said to have been used in a fable by Georgius Coadjutor, one of the most fastidious writers of...

SACERDOTALIST, n. One who holds the belief that a clergyman is a priest. Denial of this momentous doctrine is the hardest challenge that is now flung into the teeth of the Episcopalian church by the...

RESOLUTE, adj. Obstinate in a course that we approve.

BOTANY, n. The science of vegetables –those that are not good to eat, as well as those that are. It deals largely with their flowers, which are commonly badly designed, inartistic in color, and ill-...

ECONOMY, n. Purchasing the barrel of whiskey that you do not need for the price of the cow that you cannot afford.

A penny saved is a penny to squander.

Patience, n. A minor form of dispair, disguised as a virtue.

TEDIUM, n. Ennui, the state or condition of one that is bored. Many fanciful derivations of the word have been affirmed, but so high an authority as Father Jape says that it comes from a...

WASHINGTONIAN, n. A Potomac tribesman who exchanged the privilege of governing himself for the advantage of good government. In justice to him it should be said that he did not want to.They took away his...

Liar, n.: A lawyer with a roving commission.

FAMOUS, adj. Conspicuously miserable.Done to a turn on the iron, behold Him who to be famous aspired. Content? Well, his grill has a plating of gold, And his twistings are greatly admired. –Hassan Brubuddy

LEVIATHAN, n. An enormous aquatic animal mentioned by Job. Some suppose it to have been the whale, but that distinguished ichthyologer, Dr. Jordan, of Stanford University, maintains with considerable heat that it was a species...

PYRRHONISM, n. An ancient philosophy, named for its inventor. It consisted of an absolute disbelief in everything but Pyrrhonism. Its modern professors have added that.

HOMILETICS, n. The science of adapting sermons to the spiritual needs, capacities and conditions of the congregation.So skilled the parson was in homiletics That all his normal purges and emetics To medicine the spirit were...

A bride is a woman with a fine prospect of happiness behind her.

SCARABEE, n. The same as scarabaeus.He fell by his own hand Beneath the great oak tree. He’d traveled in a foreign land. He tried to make her understand The dance that’s called the Saraband, But...

CONGRATULATION, n. The civility of envy.

ABRIDGE, v.t. To shorten.When in the course of human events it becomes necessary for people to abridge their king, a decent respect for the opinions of mankind requires that they should declare the causes which...

RED-SKIN, n. A North American Indian, whose skin is not red –at least not on the outside.

IMPROVIDENCE, n. Provision for the needs of to-day from the revenues of to-morrow.

CONDOLE, v.i. To show that bereavement is a smaller evil than sympathy.

HABEAS CORPUS. A writ by which a man may be taken out of jail when confined for the wrong crime.

DEAD, adj.Done with the work of breathing; done With all the world; the mad race run Though to the end; the golden goal Attained and found to be a hole! –Squatol Johnes

ARRAYED, pp. Drawn up and given an orderly disposition, as a rioter hanged to a lamppost.

REPOSE, v.i. To cease from troubling.

REASON, n. Propensitate of prejudice.

OPPOSE, v. To assist with obstructions and objections.

RASCALITY, n. Stupidity militant. The activity of a clouded intellect.

ROAD, n. A strip of land along which one may pass from where it is too tiresome to be to where it is futile to go.All roads, howsoe’er they diverge, lead to Rome, Whence, thank...

PLAGIARISM, n. A literary coincidence compounded of a discreditable priority and an honorable subsequence.

RESIDENT, adj. Unable to leave.

POETRY, n. A form of expression peculiar to the Land beyond the Magazines.

CANNIBAL, n. A gastronome of the old school who preserves the simple tastes and adheres to the natural diet of the pre-pork period.

INGRATE, n. One who receives a benefit from another, or is otherwise an object of charity.””All men are ingrates,”” sneered the cynic. “”Nay,”” The good philanthropist replied;””I did great service to a man one day...

Who never doubted, never half believed. Where doubt is, there truth is – it is her shadow.

Clairvoyant, n.: A person, commonly a woman, who has the power of seeing that which is invisible to her patron – namely, that he is a blockhead.

PHOENIX, n. The classical prototype of the modern “small hot bird.”

MINOR, adj. Less objectionable.

ENTHUSIASM, n. A distemper of youth, curable by small doses of repentance in connection with outward applications of experience. Byron, who recovered long enough to call it “entuzy-muzy,” had a relapse, which carried him off...

MAGIC, n. An art of converting superstition into coin. There are other arts serving the same high purpose, but the discreet lexicographer does not name them.