I think it would be funny to dye somebody’s pool red and then throw dead fish in it. And before you run out of there, you could leave a stone tablet with these words etched...

She drowned in a coffee cup the size of a swimming pool. It really helped wake me up to my own mortality.

A swimming pool full of coffee would be great to jump in first thing in the morning. After all, people often call me the Molly Brown of the Brown-water Bathtub. Also, I hate ice in...

The swimming pool was drained of water. That’s why I went fishing in it. Go ahead, ask me what I did in your empty coffee cup.

I am the bathtub of desire, but damnit woman, I saw you eyeing that swimming pool.