My sheets are so white they look like Google’s homepage. They even have a touch of red on them, from that double homicide back in December.

I have a spreadsheet of all the women I’d like to spread and sheet. Your mom is on my list. So is your grandma, may she rest in peace.

Seaweed sheets are my go-to for my salty chip cravings, especially wasabi flavored ones.

I love clean sheets. It’s the simultaneous reminiscence of how they got dirtied to begin with, and hopeful anticipation of what stories they will live to tell next time you are standing fatefully in front...