It only looks like I get to eat a lot of food on TV. I really just get the one bite and the crew and guests eat everything else.
I grabbed hold of my Divergence like it was a hand outstretched to save me. I needed that word to tell me who I was when everything else was coming apart around me. But now I'm wondering if I need it anymore, if we ever really need these words, 'Dauntless,' 'Erudite,' 'Divergent,' "Allegiant,' or if we can just be friends or lovers or siblings, defined instead by the choices we make and the love and loyalty that binds us.
I get the impression sometimes that people think there's some sort of magic dust that the coach can sprinkle over the guys to make them aware of everything. We talk to our guys every day about exactly where we are [in the race]. With certain groups, that works really well. With others, it might not.
Getting used to the conditions, I think, is obviously the main thing if you're playing against an opponent you're such a huge favorite in. I thought it was not easy today because he was serving big, taking a lot of chances on my return. So we didn't see too many rallies, which didn't really allow me to get the rhythm going.
I think Marcus is like a lot of guys in the league. He needs the minutes to get comfortable with the system and the coach, and Marcus never really got that with us. He never was really comfortable in Doc (Rivers') system the whole time, but I think he has the ability to be a good player in this league. He's a lock-down defender and he has a nice touch from the outside. I put him in the same mode as a (Warriors guard) Derek Fisher.
I really feel like I've been given a second chance and to see so many people coming out to embrace my new sound is a blessing. And a lot of people, after seeing the VH1 special, feel like they get to know me personally because my whole life has been a big misconception about me personally.
I'm a classic stress-eater, so I know a lot about how eating can become a way of hiding from what's really wrong. I escape into food. But some people escape into books. Some into relationships that might not be good for them. The three main characters in 'The Sugar Queen' struggle with each of these comforts-turned-crutches.
I just want to tell you: the only good thing in these days is that I still believe there’s something good behind all these things. I don’t know what that good thing is but the idea of it keeps me smile. Stories will be finished. Money has its way to come. Admission result will be announced, and if I get rejected, it does not mean I failed (though I’m pretty sure I will cry, either a lot or a little). There will be something good down the road. There is something meaningful hidden in everything plain but stressful around me right now: A lesson to learn, friends to treasure, stories to create, new places to discover and home to go back, chances to grab, opportunities to develop.
I'm an emotional person. Being a woman, you feel like, 'Oh my gosh, everything has to be just right, your kids and this and that.' But there's no way you can control everything. I'm used to being a control freak, and I've had to learn to just cut that out. Derek is such a pro at just dealing with all types of situations, so I actually really look to him as sort of guidance in a lot of ways - how to get through situations and how to plan and not stress.
Truth be known, I am actually looking forward to this round, ... The West Series has never competed on this track, so it is pretty much like sailing into uncharted waters. There is no open test so everyone will be on the same page when practice gets underway on Saturday morning. A lot will depend on the crew and that is one of the areas where we excel. Our Lynch Mob crew is very good at getting the job done in short order. Once we have run the track a few times, we should be able to get our Mr. Gas Dodge in race trim in with virtually no problem.
I just worry a lot. I'm a worrier. Michelle and Barack are really dear to me. I mean, I love them. And I don't want to see them get hurt. Just the nature of politics is hurtful. So every time they are hurt, I get hurt. It's a lot to ask of people, and it's a lot to see your friends go through. It's hard not to get emotional.
If everyone around me is eating food that I'm allergic to, it makes me uneasy. But all of my friends are pretty considerate. They would never try to make me eat anything that would end up harming me. My roommate even agreed not to eat or keep any peanut products in our room so I wouldn't be uncomfortable.