According to the fortune-cookie logic most people live by, the best things in life are free. That’s crap. I have a gold-plated robot that scratches the exact part of my back where my hands can’t...

We can all agree that children are ugly.

What is evil?’ you ask. To which I reply, ‘Who are you, Friedrich Nietzsche?’ To which you respond, ‘Duh, wha? Me no understand.’Then I put you back in your cage.

Boys are idiots.Girls are idiots, too, of course, but boys are a special kind of idiot.A girl, for instance, will vote for a boy in an election, or go to a movie that’s about a...

Daddy was overcome by the charm of this scene. “They’re just so amazing at that age. So innocent. So … pure. As pure as the snow they play in.” He apparently hadn’t noticed the places...