Tomorrow belongs to those who prepare for it today” today. Prepare today and then tell them tomorrow.

Twas Thomas Edison did declare that waste is worse than loss yet never thought it fit to pare his first name to Tomás

Secret 89.487. Transparent is the new black.

As a conservative, while I oppose the invasion of privacy, I fully support the privatization of that invasion.

Anything worth doing’ is a problematic premise.

They say power corrupts, but most of the time it’s actually faulty storage media.

Is this safe for work, and is this safe for work? – CIA security officer, examining employee’s personal safe with racy calendar attached

I admire women who tweet about their sex lives. Talk about serious multitasking skills.

The Law of Meetings: Few are the meeters, many are the meetees.

Some case officers drink to spy better. The best case officers spy to drink better.

You run away to join another circus.

I didn’t come from a broken home – more like deliberately imploded.

Remember: if everyone else gives 110% effort, and you give 120%, you’re really only giving a little over 109%.

When media distorts the truth, it’s only responding in kind.

I refuse to be just another statistic. I’m empowering myself to be an informed, assertive, beautiful statistic!

Desperate measures call for desperate times.

My biggest regret as a CIA officer? The agents I didn’t recruit. I just wish there’d been a hell of a lot more of them.

As long as espionage is less expensive than remotely controlling people’s brains, CIA will continue to remotely control people’s brains.

Secret 83919240. Money is the poot of all evil.

You and I are saying the same thing, you’re just adding an extra ‘not’ at the beginning.

I’m not sure what ‘batting an eye’ means, but it sounds like it could be pretty fun.

Naked intelligence officer (‘nā-kəd in-‘te-lə-jən(t)s ‘ä-fə-sər)1 : an intelligence officer in a state of undress 2 : an intelligence officer whose cover has been compromised3 : an intelligence officer, in reality fully clothed, disguised as...

All is not lost – so why the hell should it stop to ask for directions???

Saw a headline: ‘World’s Ugliest Dog Dead.’ Not believing it for one minute.

Secret 1.93. The professional intelligence officer assumes nothing. The successful professional intelligence officer assumes less than that.

Anybody I can hold a candle to, I drip hot wax on.

I believe the examination of body image issues is important and valuable – particularly the swimsuit issue.

Secret 955-39. That it is what it is does not imply that it isn’t what it isn’t.

When it comes to working with heads of state, my preferred variety is the titular.

The truth can never hurt a just cause. The cause’s security team will intercept the truth long before it gets close enough to pose a threat.

What do you hope to get out of this meeting? – CIA Counterintelligence official, polling the audience before the start of a briefing on CIThat’s what I hope to get: out of this meeting. –...

If secrecy is the beginning of tyranny, declassification is its apotheosis.

Less road rage – but also, how about less road beatitude.

When you’re still typing ‘whilst,’ someone else has already finished typing ‘while.

Here’s a creepy web trick: do a Google image search on ‘my grandma.’ … It’s her, isn’t it?

If you can’t be with the √-1 you love, love the √-1 you’re with.

The Central Intelligence Agency is a CIA front.

Secret 737160022162. It’s unthinkable only to the extent it’s doable.

Secret 4081312. Every bullet’s magic if you’ve got a magic gun.

If knowledge is but sorrow’s spy, it proves a double agent by and by.

The following information is classified Third Eye Only.

The TSA confused a bottle of perfume with a hand grenade. Talk about an embarrassing mistake – everybody knows perfume is far more lethal.

Secret 9.6. When writing a contact report, the term ‘intense vocalization’ should be used in place of words like ‘moan,’ ‘pant’ and ‘sigh.

I feel small when I stand beside the ocean, next to all those fat people in bathing suits.

Kiss the girls and make them neither confirm nor deny.

Don’t touch me – I don’t know where I’ve been.

Always write your signature move in disappearing ink.

If you’re a comedian undergoing brain surgery, I assume you’re not permitted to be conscious during the procedure, for your own safety.

My operational cover won’t withstand scrutiny. It starts blushing and giggling every time.

11% of Americans believe HTML is a sexually transmitted disease. In reality, HTML is caused by bacteria living in the lower bowel.