Executive Intelligence Summary: Machine out of order. New order, on order.

There is no future. You’ll see.

I despise the ruling classes, but they’re required for my major.

Flattery will get me nowhere? That’s a hell of a lot better than the place I am now.

There’s nothing I wouldn’t do on your behalf, if I could just get my hands on it

Every great summer song was recorded the previous winter.

Redaction marks are the truth dressed in black burqa.

My father always told me I was too clever times half.

How a dirty little secret gets found out is usually a dirtier little secret.

Read that dogs align themselves with the Earth’s magnetic field when urinating or defecating. Trying it myself this week – so far so good!

For two years I was seeing a sex therapist. I’m now seeing a sex therapist.

How can it be a CIA client state when CIA is paying for it?

In real life, espionage and sex have so little to do with one another that for all practical purposes they could be married.

If you don’t hire me, it doesn’t matter anywayBut if you hire me, the answers are all classified

Stop begging the question – get a job and earn the question like everyone else.

OK, maybe one iota, or two iotas at most, but definitely not three.

A good plan today is better than a perfect plan tomorrow? Trying your good plan tomorrow is the perfect plan today.

Motivational Secret of the Week. When the dancing starts, don’t worry about what others will think of you, just get up and leave.

The Norman conquest forever changed English from a mix of bad German and bad Latin, to a mix of bad German, bad Latin, and bad German-Latin.

It may be to die for, but is it to die and be risen again as one of the undead, doomed to wander soulless through all eternity for?

Whoever invented the 360-degree feedback method was thinking outside the box, but not outside the circle.

Wish you were here” on the back, where exactly are you saying you wish they were?

Then again, if your right hand did know what your left hand was doing, wouldn’t that be kind of creepy?

Refutation of Baldy’s LawBaldy’s Law: Some of it plus the rest of it is all of it. 1. Suppose some of it + the rest of it = all of it.2. By King’s Rule, there’s...

The map may not be the territory, but if the theory of a 2-dimensional holographic universe is confirmed, it means the territory is a map.

A typical breakfast for a CIA ops officer consists of a pastry and a piping hot cup of Armageddon.

Secret 4.1023020. War is politics by other meanies.

Is it because I’m invisible?

The unredacted text hides a black smudge mark.

Don’t show me the before and after. Show me the before before and after after.

Birds don’t sing after a storm, they sing before the next one.

The job knew I was dangerous when it took me.

We’ll know we’ve built a machine that’s truly alive when it commits suicide.

Secret 0.59179. When an asset quits, make sure to collect their cover docs, commo hardware, and any countries they were running for you.

Secret 9791422.1. If it can’t end well, don’t end it.

Secret 12916062. Dress to impress, assess, access, possess, and egress.

Live fast, die young – which is it going to be???

Tomorrow belongs to those who prepare for it today” today. Prepare today and then tell them tomorrow.

Twas Thomas Edison did declare that waste is worse than loss yet never thought it fit to pare his first name to Tomás

Secret 89.487. Transparent is the new black.

As a conservative, while I oppose the invasion of privacy, I fully support the privatization of that invasion.

Anything worth doing’ is a problematic premise.

They say power corrupts, but most of the time it’s actually faulty storage media.

Is this safe for work, and is this safe for work? – CIA security officer, examining employee’s personal safe with racy calendar attached

I admire women who tweet about their sex lives. Talk about serious multitasking skills.

The Law of Meetings: Few are the meeters, many are the meetees.

Some case officers drink to spy better. The best case officers spy to drink better.

You run away to join another circus.

I didn’t come from a broken home – more like deliberately imploded.

Remember: if everyone else gives 110% effort, and you give 120%, you’re really only giving a little over 109%.