It is a universally acknowledged truth that high school sucks. In fact, high school is where we are first introduced to the basic existential question of life: How is it possible to exist in a...

Girls like good-looking guys, and I am not very good-looking. In fact, I sort of look like a pudding

I am the Thomas Edison of conversational stupidity.

If after reading this book you come to my home and brutally murder me, I do not blame you.

[Earl, on liking someone] Because, honestly, the rational part of me know for a rock-solid fact that I would never, ever get with Madison Hartner. But that was just the rational part of me. There’s...

So. If this was some normal fictional young-adult book, this is the part of the story where after the film, the entire high school would rise to their feet and applaud, and Earl and I...

This book probably makes it seem like I hate myself and everything I do. But that’s not totally true. I mostly just hate every person I’ve ever been. I’m actually fine with myself right now.

annoying.” I guess I mean that most humans like to try to fuck up your plans.

One thing I’ve learned about people is that the easiest way to get them to like you is to shut up and let them do the talking.