Since I have dealt in suds, I could never discover more than two reasons for shaving; the one is to get a beard, the other is to get rid of one

And here, I believe, the wit is generally misunderstood. In reality, it lies in desiring another to kiss your a– for having just before threatened to kick his; for I have observed very accurately, that...

A truly elegant taste is generally accompanied with excellency of heart.

Guilt has very quick ears to an accusation.

When I’m not thanked at all, I’m thanked enough; I’ve done my duty, and I’ve done no more

Scarcely one person in a thousand is capable of tasting the happiness of others.

Comfort me by a solemn Assurance, that when the little Parlour in which I sit at this Instant, shall be reduced to a worse furnished Box, I shall be read, with Honour, by those who...

For I hope my Friends will pardon me, when I declare, I know none of them without a Fault; and I should be sorry if I could imagine, I had any Friend who could not...

Conscience – the only incorruptible thing about us

We must eat to live and live to eat

I am content; that is a blessing greater than riches; and he to whom that is given need ask no more.

Adversity is the trial of principle. Without it a man hardly knows whether he is honest or not.

Money will say more in one moment than the most eloquent lover can in years.

Worth begets in base minds, envy; in great souls, emulation

Neither great poverty nor great riches will hear reason.

[A]s it is impossible that any man endowed with rational faculties, and being in a state of freedom, should willingly agree, without some motive of love or friendship, absolutely to sacrifice his own interest to...

The characteristic of coquettes is affectation governed by whim

Now, in reality, the world has paid too great a compliment to critics, and has imagined them to be men of much greater profundity then they really are.

One of my illustrious predecessors.

I have found it; I have discovered the cause of all the misfortunes which befell him. A public school, Joseph, was the cause of all the calamities which he afterwards suffered. Public schools are the...

Now, in reality, the world have paid too great a compliment to critics, and have imagined them to be men of much greater profundity then they really are.

For clergy are men as well as other folks.

Guilt has very quick ears to an accusation

All Nature wears one universal grin.

Dancing begets warmth, which is the parent of wantonness.

Flattery is never so agreeable as to our blind side; commend a fool for his wit, or a knave for his honesty, and they will receive you into their bosoms

Composed that monstrous animal a husband and wife.

Where the law ends tyranny begins.

The world have payed too great a compliment to critics, and have imagined them men of much greater profundity than they really are.

A good face they say, is a letter of recommendation. O Nature, Nature, why art thou so dishonest, as ever to send men with these false recommendations into the World!

Thwackum was for doing justice and leaving mercy to heaven

I have often wondered, Sir, [. . .] to observe so few Instances of Charity among Mankind; for tho’ the Goodness of a Man’s Heart did not incline him to relieve the Distresses of his...

A rich man without charity is a rogue; and perhaps it would be no difficult matter to prove that he is also a fool.

It is not from nature, but from education and habits, that our wants are chiefly derived

Love and scandal are the best sweeteners of tea.

Commend a fool for his wit, or a rogue for his honesty and he will receive you into his favor.

Thwackum was for doing justice, and leaving mercy to Heaven.