Depart, Satan,’ she said, with a complete lack of enthusiasm. — Bats 2015

No discipline? Behold!!!! My cat has written a book! …And she’s published!” — Amok 2015

Wichtor’s been cranky ever since a fat vulture roosted on his granite C rnat, uh, schmekel in 1864 and broke it off.” — Bats 2015

Elizabeth poured the brewskilicious foam over her aforementioned bodalicious huzza-huzzas and Wahwahzoozie.” — Bats 2015

I vould like totally hang up on the dude. He’s no Baldwin.” — Bats 2015

He sniffed until the long hairs of his mustache had been sucked up into his nose and out of his leafy ears.” — Bats 2015

We won’t be able to sleep without the sound of her self-loathing orgasms crying out into the night.” —Bats 2015

Elizabeth served herself to Vlad upon the Lazy Susan (Susan wasn’t lazy. She was actually dead.” — Bats 2015

Were they displayed like this?” —Bats 2015

You’re teasing me!” — Bats

Grrrrowpt.” said dead Penelope. Dead Huthbert nodded, and hugged her. She moved his dusty hand from her dusty ass.” — BATS 2015

…an ambitious array of dishonorable intentions that he intended to wield upon the Countess’s nether regions. — BATS 2015

Do it for the kids! The ones who look up to you — especially when they are pleading for their lives.” — Bats 2015

She could feel something unnatural following her every movement as she washed her bountiful Huzza and Wahzoozie” — BATS

Gentle With Them Thar Spurs’—a sequel to ‘Riders of the Purple Sau-Sage.’ Spurs was the feminist novel of its day…which was Tuesday.” —Bats 2015

They’re dogs. Never trust a man. Even when he’s dead. Especially when he’s dead. — Bats 2015

Bolts of energy swirled in the air and streamed into Dave’s butt. Dave sneezed … No. He farted through his nose.

You’re going to show up to a duel, in the street, wearing Come F—k Me Heels?” — Bats 2015

…causing her eyes to bulge and her tongue to flick from behind her luscious lips, scaring away insects.” — Amok 2015

I dunno. Zombies are kinda cool,” Jonathan said. “They just don’t give a dusty fart about anything.” — Bats 2015