You don’t have to be white to be white, you just have to be rich.

Just as hunters will mount the heads of the kills, white people need to let people know that they have made their way to hundreds or even thousands of books. After all, what’s the point...

The process of reading is somehow heightened through the process of doing it near water. Extreme reading!

White people are drawn to farmer’s markets like moths to a flame. In fact, white people have such strong instincts that ifyou release a white person into a random Saturday morning they will return to...

If you are able to introduce a white person to a new cheese, it’s like introducing them to a future spouse.

For white people, nothing makes them appreciate the gift of life more than voluntarily trying to end it.

All white people are born with a singular mission in life in order to pass from regular whitehood into ultra-whitehood. Just as Muslims have to visit Mecca, all white people must eventually renovate a house...

It is the dream of every white person to be able to resolve all conflicts by complaining to unrelated parties. Because of this, white people are able to endure years of frustration and anger without...

Right now, all white people are either wearing or coveting a pair of Ray-Ban Wayfarer sunglasses. These sunglasses are so popular now that you cannot swing a canvas bag at a farmer’s market without hitting...