I swear, when that woman dies, she’ll be deader than everybody else.~Pattiecake from Laid Out and Candle Lit

I have a strict moral code. I don’t share penises with friends.

Love? Dude. It’s like a fart. You don’t even know it’s happening, but all of a sudden,it crawls up the crack of your ass and then the stink hits you.

I think you’re just as emotionally unavailable as I am. I avoid men because I’m afraid I’ll lose my heart, and you go from girl to girl to keep from giving yours away.

I feel like I’ve been ironing all day in high heels and no brassiere. ~Tizzy Donovan, Laid Out and Candle Lit

I’d rather be stung to death by a bunch of piss ants. ~Synola Harper, You’re Busting My Nuptials