I’m hard to love, but I love hard, like my heart is the sun yearning to tan your naked body. I promise I won’t burn you.

He had the kind of real deep tan that rich people spent ages trying to achieve with expensive holidays and bits of tinfoil, when really all you need to do to obtain one is work...

Jacksonville has sunny days 80% of the year. That’s probably why 20% of my body is always untanned. Who knew that the fraction 20% is shaped like a Speedo?