Sorry, no professionals.

For some, the left testicle is larger than the right one. For Chuck Norris, each testicle is larger than the other one.

If Yo Mama and Yo Daddy got a divorce, they’d still be brother and sister.

Chuck Norris is the only human being to display the Heisenberg uncertainty principle — you can never know both exactly where and how quickly he will roundhouse kick you in the face.

Yo Mama’s like mustard, she spreads easy.

Chuck Norris can divide by zero.

Yo Mama sucks so much d***, her lips went double platinum.

When Chuck Norris calls 911 it’s to ask if everything is ok.

What’s the difference between Yo Mama and a 747?-About 20 pounds.-Yo mama carries more passengers.-Not everyone’s been on a 747.

Chuck Norris will never have a heart attack. His heart isn’t nearly foolish enough to attack him.

Yo Mama’s like a library, open to the public.

Chuck Norris can unscramble an egg.

Yo Mama’s so fat, her ass has its own congressman!

Yo Mama’s so ugly, her dentist treats her by mail order.

Yo Mama’s so fat her butt cheeks have different area codes.

Yo Mama’s so ugly, her Mama had to tie a steak around her neck to get the dogs to play with her.

Chuck Norris CAN understand women.

Yo Mama’s so ugly that your father takes her to work with him so that he doesn’t have to kiss her goodbye.

Yo Mama’s so old, her memory is in black and white.

Clap your hands, stomp your feet, praise the Lord, we got some heat!

Superman once challenged Chuck Norris to a fight, the loser had to wear his underwear on the outside.