The closest thing to a law of nature in business is that form has an affinity for expense, while substance has an affinity for income.

Talk to people in their own language. If you do it well, they’ll say, ‘God, he said exactly what I was thinking.’ And when they begin to respect you, they’ll follow you to the death.

I mean I’m not smarter than the market, but I can recognize a good tape and a bad tape. I recognize when it’s right and when it’s wrong and that’s what my strength is.

But it shows some of the hunger there is for user expression and interest in the most popular of the blogs, in sharing and reading.

It proved easier to buy the farm to get the mineral rights than to buy the coal rights alone.

Because Microsoft seems to sometimes not trust customer choice, they salt XP with all these little gizmos and trap doors to get people to try Microsoft stuff. But the reality is that we’re downloading more...

My style is to keep folks in place who are good managers and want to win.

If you feel like it’s difficult to change, you will probably have a harder time succeeding.

Since the goal of my programs is to show audiences how humor can both help them heal as well as deal with not-so-funny stuff, I decided to discuss the events of the previous week, the...

No yesterdays are ever wasted for those who give themselves to today.

Much of the messy advertising you see on television today is the product of committees. Committees can criticize advertisements, but they should never be allowed to create them.

I never went to business school. I was just bumbling through a lot of my life. I was like the guy behind the curtain in The Wizard of Oz.

If you don’t understand that you work for your mislabeled ‘subordinates,’ then you know nothing of leadership. You know only tyranny.

The president said that this is not removing a mole. You know, removing a mole, that’s an outpatient sort of an operation. This was removing a cancer, removing a cancer takes more time.

We at Chrysler borrow money the old-fashioned way. We pay it back.

Microsoft was not a mysterious, strange entity. You put your PC on and there’s an ad for them.

Henry Ford was right. A prosperous economy requires that workers be able to buy the products that they produce. This is as true in a global economy as a national one.

Go for a business that any idiot can run – because sooner or later, any idiot probably is going to run it.

Sports is like rock ‘n’ roll. Both are dominant cultural forces, both speak an international language, and both are all about emotions.

We really believe that Walt Disney is a very able company with great depth and a great set of franchises.

We’re going to have shortages and prices are going to go up. Gasoline is going to be extremely tight for us.

We love our business. We have never been more enthusiastic about cable and its future.

When you do find humor in trying times, one of the first and most important changes you experience is that you see your perplexing problems in a new way – you suddenly have a new...

In view of our public pledges, we public officials can never again go before the public merely promising election reform. The time for promises is past.

The advertisers who believe in the selling power of jingles have never had to sell anything.

Good copy can’t be written with tongue in cheek, written just for a living. You’ve got to believe in the product.

I’m Billy the Kid, the fastest draw. It’s not arrogance. It’s the truth.

It won’t do away with hierarchy totally, but the principal leader will be the person who most exemplifies the kind of organization and behavior required who is best able to create the conditions such organizations...

Nobody motivates today’s workers. If it doesn’t come from within, it doesn’t come. Fun helps remove the barriers that allow people to motivate themselves.

The day is past when schools could afford to give sufficient time and attention to the teaching of the ancient languages to enable the student to get that enjoyment out of classical literature that made...

We typically hear numbers that there are 34 million households that are in stocks in some form. Well, I say that what’s occurred is if you have a job in this country, you’re in stocks.

There’s no good idea that can’t be improved on.

Right or wrong, the customer is always right.

I did not deal well with the politicians. I tend to tell people that when they are full of crap, that they are full of crap.

I want to be remembered as a guy who tried his best and did his best.

Your attitude is like a box of crayons that color your world. Constantly color your picture gray, and your picture will always be bleak. Try adding some bright colors to the picture by including humor,...

Inspirations never go in for long engagements; they demand immediate marriage to action.

In physics, to be in two places at the same time would be a miracle; in politics it seems not merely normal, but natural.

If you ever have the good fortune to create a great advertising campaign, you will soon see another agency steal it. This is irritating, but don’t let it worry you; nobody has ever built a...

I am heartily rejoiced that my term is so near its close. I will soon cease to be a servant and will become a sovereign.

You have an idea of the way you think it is, and it’s not that way at all, it’s something else.

The prudent course is to make an investment in learning, testing and understanding, determine how the new concepts compare to how you now operate and thoughtfully determine how they apply to what you want to...

Every business and every product has risks. You can’t get around it.

I mean it’s the most objective industry in the world. If your numbers stink, you’re out. If your numbers are good, you get more money. It’s the most Darwinian, it’s beautiful, it’s brutal, it works.

Cafe Press doesn’t offer custom postage, just for starters. There are just not many people approved by the U.S. Postal Service to make custom postage.

Most of the competition was into bulk popcorn because of the major increases in the Drive-In Theatre Outlets.

We tell anybody who asks that we think Apple is making a big mistake by not being compatible.

Our job is to give them an exciting product and make their tickets more affordable, which we’re doing, and get them back to sample the product.

I became CEO at the beginning of the hit on old economy stocks. When something like that occurs in your first six months as a CEO of a more traditional branded firm, it makes for...

Sometimes it takes ten seconds to see some humor in your dilemmas, sometimes ten years.