There is nothing like scrubbing toilets for a living to make you question the choices you have made in life.

anyone who has no feelings for animals has a dead heart.

bad breath and butt smell; that is prison, in a nutshell.

I used to wonder what I was doing wrong. Now I know: just about everything.

Sometimes I feel like I am on top of the world. Other times it feels like the world is on top of me.

All of my chupacabra books are like novelizations of movies that haven’t been made yet.

I eat the hearts of girls and puke slugs and snails.

Prison is like high school with knives.

Being in prison for seven years was like being in an army that never drilled, never deployed, and only fought itself.

They kept me in a cage for too long because now every room I am standing in is just another cell.