If Mother had to be told not to shove the entire brick of Ivory up Junior’s hindquarters, constipation is the least of his problems.

If you can pick the baby up without him squirting our of your hands like a bar of soap in the shower, he’s not oiled up enough.

I still couldn’t imagine that she was really, truly pregnant; maybe this was an hysterical pregnancy. But Sarah was never hysterical. Enthusiastic, yes, ironic on occasion. I couldn’t imagine a doctor saying, “No, it’s just...